Have you ever reconnected with a rebound?
One at a time: How long do rebound relationships last? - 2021
Whether you've been laid off, left the company, or were part of a friendly separation, ending a relationship comes with a loss. In fact, many people mourn their partners and the connection they once had, just like someone does when a loved one dies or some other tragedy struck. In this cycle of grief we feel an abundance of emotions: pain, anger, shame, relief, feelings of guilt, embarrassment and finally acceptance. The only way we can get to our final destination is to go through each stage in a healthy manner and ignore any obstacles that may point us towards a detour. One such block is getting involved in a rebound relationship.
The science behind separation pain
When we live in close close relationships, we tend to enjoy and rely on our partner's presence. We do things together, share our deepest thoughts, plan our lives with and around them. So when a relationship ends, especially unexpectedly or unintentionally, it's not uncommon to find yourself in a state that doesn't resemble yourself.
Have you ever heard of someone who hasn't eaten for weeks after a breakup? Or maybe not being able to pull yourself out of bed to take a shower at all? Scientists now say it's not all in our heads, and losing a partner can cause our brains to react in a similar way to them when trying to withdraw from drugs or alcohol. Just like a smoker with a nicotine patch or someone who is pulling out of heroin, we long for the feelings of well-being and infatuation we once had. If we give in to these feelings, we end up in one of two places: in the arms of the one who hurt us, or in the arms of a new person.
While you may think that getting into a rebound relationship is a healthy way to get single again, it isn't always the case. You may find yourself reasonably comfortable in this rebound relationship. What do you do if this relationship lasts too long? Is it healthy and how long do rebound relationships last? The answer isn't as cut and dry as you'd think.
How long do rebound relationships last?The ugly one
According to James Nelmondo, rebound relationships can last anywhere from a few months to a year, but it all depends on whether the rebounder is comfortable enough to be alone again. There is also a health factor that varies with each partnership.
You see, the main problem with most rebound relationships is that we "jump in", so to speak. To avoid the loneliness and pain that comes with losing a loved one, we numb ourselves with the first person to come with us. That can be disastrous.
One of my high school friends, Meredith, had a reputation as the "rebound queen". At twenty-seven and two failed marriages, she was desperate to find the right one for herself. When her second marriage ended with two children and a restraining order, she felt more lonely than ever. She was scared too. Afraid of her ex-husband, afraid of being alone, afraid of being a failure. When Terry came she thought all her problems were solved. As a knight in shining armor, he even attended a court hearing with her and held her hand while her ex sat in silence.
Within a month, Terry had moved in with Meredith and the children. He cooked, cleaned and helped with homework when he wasn't working. Meredith met Terry's mother and her own children. She was in a relaxed heaven.
But it wasn't long before the real Terry showed up. Meredith quickly realized that Terry not only had a serious drinking problem, but also abused him when he was drinking. He had beaten her for no reason during the phase, called hurtful defeats and embarrassed her in front of the children. Within a few weeks he was sleeping with several people in the apartment complex they were staying in, including one of Meredith's close friends.
When Meredith tried to end Terry and asked him to leave her apartment, he called the police and told them she was violent. Months of abuse, emotionally, physically, and sexually ensued. Eventually Terry was arrested for raping Meredith and an ex-girlfriend's child.
What was Meredith's fatal mistake here? After all, she wasn't a narcissistic abuser. Right, she was a victim. But had she taken the time to actually get to know Terry instead of embarking on some relaxing romance, she might have noticed some of the red flags before she got too deep.
How long do rebound relationships last?The good
Not every rebound relationship will end the way Meredith did. In fact, there is a chance that the rebound relationship might actually turn out to be a successful relationship. But the rebounder will always have doubts that the relationship will last.
However, on the other side of the relationship, there will be hope as they put hard work and effort into a relationship that can potentially fail. Should a rebound relationship take a year so someone has enough time to determine whether they love the other or not? You can even think about marriage.
However, when a rebound relationship ends, it can be devastating not only because of the emotions involved, but also because the rebounder wasted a year of their life trying to get over a past love.
It is insulting and hurtful, which can cause the "dumpee" (the person who has been thrown into a relationship) to rebound on their own, creating a never-ending cycle.
In the end, nothing is achieved. The original pain is still there and is now condensed by more pain. Fortunately, such situations are avoidable.
Preventing the damage that rebound relationships can cause
First things first - don't rebound if you haven't already. Take the time to heal yourself, manage the pain, and prepare for your next best partnership. On the other hand, you should avoid entering into a relationship with someone who has only recently been single. Even if it's a fantastic catch, it is highly unlikely that he or she will be able to give you what you need and want while dealing with pain and injury.
If you do decide to move forward anyway, it is best to be honest with the person with whom you are in a relaxing relationship. Let them know that you are getting over someone and make it clear that you are not sure whether the relationship is supposed to last. Most will understand. In fact, there may be some who would prefer the relationship not to last very long either.
Regardless, it is important that you communicate with one another throughout the relationship so that you really know where the other is at. That way, you can better understand what the other is thinking and feeling, and know exactly where you've gone too far or when to stop.
When the rebound relationship doesn't work
If you find that you are still clinging to a previous love despite some relaxing relationships or two, try to confess your feelings with your previous love. For all you know, you were meant to be. If it still doesn't work out, you can try sharing your feelings with someone close to you instead of simply diving into another rebound relationship.
You can talk to a friend, family member, or even a therapist such as those available from BetterHelp. Whichever way you choose, you will find healthy ways to live out your feelings and negate the need for a relaxing relationship.
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