Is my brother a bad person

"He kills the people he loves"

Her sister was put under pressure by her brother for a long time after Cor was murdered, and her children were also threatened. It was only through your testimony that you yourself came into its focus.

That's true. It was the first time I felt anger towards my brother. But after two weeks the anger was gone and I felt sorry for him. It's not that I hate him. I don't want to take revenge either. I just think that has to be done in order for him to stop killing. He'll do this over and over because it's his natural response. It's like killing his father over and over and over again.

What do you mean?

I think that's the reason for everything. He destroys those close to him. We were taught that at home.

But for yourself you said the opposite in court yesterday: you would have spent your whole life loving people you dislike.

I love the people who do all of this to me - and he kills them. And now he wants to kill me and I just want to love him.

You probably even love your father.

Naturally. But when I first became aware of the things, as a child, I hated him. I wasn't even raised religiously, but I prayed daily for his death. I thought God would help me because my father was such a bad person. Somebody like that can't stay alive any longer! He lived long enough to cripple us children.

It looks like he didn't have complete success with you.

Yes and no. Not much has changed.

Could you love someone who is nice to you?

This is difficult. I've had two very nice relationships, but I'm not good at them. I keep breaking them. I don't enjoy them, they don't give me rest. It's like something is wrong. I'm a lot more relaxed when I'm just around my friends. I can do nice things with them too. Right now it's all about survival.

What does survival look like - underground?

Oh, what that means for my grandchildren alone! They are eight and five years old and are not allowed to talk about their grandma. When they ask, "Can we go home to you?" I always have to say no. Even my daughter doesn't know where I live. The eight year old calls me "Grandma H." because he understood that he is not allowed to say my name. He's playing with it. He asks: “Why are you always so sad - because of your B.?” He means my brother. He doesn't pronounce the word. And I think oh my god this is the next generation speaking in encrypted language! Exactly what I wanted to protect him from. At the moment all of Holland is talking about the process, the media are full of it. The girl is five and whispers things like: “My grandma is a spy. She works for the government. ”And then I drive those armored cars and they want to know why the doors are so heavy!

Armored cars? In plural?

I have two normal and now three armored cars.

Three?

In Amsterdam and elsewhere. But I don't buy expensive cars.

Bulletproof cars are more expensive than normal ones.

Yes, you have to be clever. Anyone who buys a car like this absolutely needs it. But there aren't many people who need one. Second-hand, they are therefore very cheap. You can usually find them in Germany, on mobile.de. There are all sorts of armored models, even a Smart. I know about bulletproof clothing and cars. If you search cleverly and have contacts, these vehicles are available from 5000 euros. Still, it is of course expensive to maintain five cars.

How often have you changed apartments so far?

Oh, often. I am currently looking again. I usually only sign fixed-term rental contracts, which then expire. In that sense, I don't have my own apartment, I always move into furnished apartments, but I have my own narrow mattress because I don't always want to lie in someone else's bed. I also always wear the same things.

Do you still go to the cinema?

I would never do that because I don't know what's behind me. Then comes the “blow from the dark”, no thanks.

You probably can't even sit at a hairdresser's.

No. The hairdresser is coming home. Not in my apartment, of course, but in someone else's. There are so many practical things to consider before I leave the house and go anywhere: a bulletproof vest. A helmet.

And you always make appointments with very short notice of location. Do you have purchases delivered?

No. A shopping mall that has an underground car park is relatively safe. The car should not be parked on the street or in an open parking lot. Because there is often only one exit underground, the perpetrators would be caught quickly. Of course, murders are also committed in the Netherlands, where the murderers waited directly at this exit. But I would survive in a bulletproof car, that's okay.

Why did you ever start taking notes about your life?

I did this for my daughter first. I had never told her anything about my childhood. She knew my father was an alcoholic, but she didn't know what happened. I didn't want her to see me as a victim. The image of a mother as a beaten child is not healthy. All she knew about my brother was that she was not allowed to know anything about him. After it became known that I was going to testify against him, all kinds of stories began to appear about me.

With the book, did you want to regain control of your biography?

That was one of the reasons. As an author, you are in control. You can describe your point of view in your own language. I also had to publish something because I ran out of money. I had to give up my job and no income. I can no longer go public or receive clients. I had no choice. Well, and then it went through the roof and I can live on it until I'm old.

500,000 copies were sold in Holland and the rights in many countries. An adaptation as a play has been announced.

I never expected that. When I was standing on the mat at the publisher's, I thought: Who wants to read this?

She signs her death warrant

Didn't you have a clue? Her brother was a media star after his first prison sentence for the Heineken kidnapping. He has given interviews and done a so-called "college tour" in front of students. Everyone in Holland knew his face.

So I thought everyone already knew the story. So far it has always been his story, and people like it because they want to identify with the naughty boy. He has no fear, no conscience, is charismatic and looks very, very good.

Do people still like him now?
Even many criminals are now keeping their distance. There is a code of honor according to which you protect your own family and not terrorize them. You do everything for your own family!

With the book you wanted to deprive him of his support from the criminal milieu?

Also. Many who would previously have been willing to kill for him are now withdrawing. They don't want to risk anything for someone like that.

You said your book was your will. Do you really believe that your brother will make you die in the end?

Yes. It's only a matter of time. When I gave my first testimony years ago, I said: If I sign now, I am signing my death warrant.

None of those who testified against your brother are alive anymore.

He had everyone he knew were talking about liquidated.

Why do you always talk about liquidations, never about murder?

When you murder someone, there may be emotions involved. It could happen in the affect. Liquidations can be ordered coolly, they involve no feeling. But of course it's murder. Now, with the lawsuit pending, he still has hope. That's why I didn't say 100 percent of what I could have said in court yesterday. I know that if I take all hope away from him, it will be even more dangerous for me.

Despite everything, you are the closest person he has. In the book you describe how much the two of you are similar.

Yes. This is what he says on the recordings: We are the same, we are similar. And it's true. But he's black and I'm white. I am also very aggressive when I feel defenseless. He is aggressive to exercise power over people. He says to me: You scream too. And it's true. If he does something to my sister and her children, I automatically become aggressive and want to kill him - but he kills for fun! And we both have no fear.

Suppose your brother has life. Then the threat could eventually subside.

No, on the contrary, it will get worse. One day he is transferred from the maximum security prison to a normal one. Then it is easy to organize our murder from within the prison.

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