Why are Capricorn women pushing love away?
Love: Seven dangers that often break relationships
Most people long for a loving and harmonious relationship. Nevertheless, they often behave destructively towards their partner - consciously or unconsciously. In her new guide "The Fall of Love", the Berlin couple counselor Silvia Fauck described the seven most common situations in which relationships break up. The author tells stories about each of them from her practice. They show where couples should be particularly vigilant in order to prevent a crisis.
"Yes, it does exist, the great love that lasts a lifetime until death does part," says Fauck, but at the same time adds: "It's not easy!" Whether the relationship lasts depends on the extent to which the partners remain attentive to themselves and to the other. In other words, a relationship needs a lot of care, otherwise it will wither.
Fauck, who runs a heartache practice in Berlin and Hamburg, knows from her practice that there are relationship constellations that are particularly at risk of failure. Often those affected only realize too late that they have fallen into the trap and all help comes too late.
Trap number 1: the long-distance relationship
If a couple commutes between two places of residence over a long period of time, this can become a pitfall for the relationship. If it is not possible to solve the problem due to professional obligations, there should be at least a medium-term perspective for living together, advises Fauck. Otherwise it would be difficult to maintain the feeling of closeness and security and to participate in the everyday life of the other. The likelihood that love will break because of it is great.
Fauck's tip is therefore: "The long-distance relationship can only exist if it has a goal towards which both partners are headed with the same drive." This could be, for example, living together at a specific point in time. Against this premise, all other adversities could be endured for a certain time.
Trap number 2: cheating
Another stumbling block for many couples is the fling. There is hardly a more serious form of breach of trust. "But mutual trust is part of a love relationship like the pedals are part of a bicycle," says Fauck.
Of course it happens that the couple grows apart over the years, admits Fauck. But here, too, applies: "Be honest with your partner instead of cheating on him." It is important that in this case you should always play with open cards and seek an open conversation with the other person. If there is anything left to be saved, it is only like that. Should they part ways anyway, it is easier to deal with lovesickness than to know that you have been lied to and cheated on for a long time.
Trap number 3: children in the relationship
Children are very important in many partnerships: They are supposed to save marriages, strengthen bonds and give meaning to the parents' lives. But the romantic picture of family life quickly cracks once there are one or more children in the house. Basically, every addition to the family puts the partnership to the test. Not only does the couple have less time for togetherness, but their habits are fundamentally changed.
However, women who believe that a baby can cure a relationship crisis are completely wrong. "Even women who try to become pregnant in a targeted manner in order to finally win over their married lover completely are wrong," emphasizes Fauck.
If both partners consciously decide to have a child together, they should introduce certain rules and allow each other freedom, advises Fauck. "That could be, for example, that each partner has two weekends a year 'child-free'. They can decide whether they want to go away with friends or just do something on their own."
Trap number 4: Too little time for each other
Couples who are so tense due to family or professional responsibilities that they hardly spend any time together will sooner or later receive the receipt. You are alienated. In a long-term relationship, this is often a gradual process that those affected only notice too late.
Fauck recommends: "Even in stressful times, you should always plan a minimum amount of time with your partner and make fixed appointments." For example, it can be a certain evening in the week that you always spend with the other person. Or a shared hobby that takes place regularly, such as dancing or tennis. Even small gifts in everyday life strengthen the sense of togetherness and show the partner how important he is to you. That keeps love alive.
Trap number 5: role conflicts
Even if equality is enjoyable in many ways, it also harbors difficulties in many love relationships. So there are numerous men who are unsure of their understanding of their roles. Today they are no longer in demand as "heroes of work", but their partner expects support from them in many areas of life, including household chores and childcare. This leads to conflict in many families.
"A clarifying conversation can sometimes work wonders here," advises Fauck. Because often the partner has a certain image of masculinity or femininity, which only becomes apparent when you talk about it. If traditional role models are broken, that's basically positive, says Fauck. Both sides just have to be clear about the advantages and disadvantages. And: "Try to show understanding for your counterpart if things are not going so well," she advises. It is important to convey the feeling of appreciation to the other. The roles are also allowed to be played once,
Trap number 6: emotional legacy
A partner's legacy can also be a crucial test for the relationship. In addition to traumatic childhood memories, this also includes negative experiences from a previous relationship. A real conflict can arise if the experience is not processed correctly, or if it is even kept secret from the new partner. What helps in this case is usually professional help from a psychologist or coach.
That is not a sign of weakness, says Fauck. On the contrary: "In fact, it is a great strength when you have the courage to face your own inner truth."
Trap number 7: giving up too quickly
When people live with the same partner for a long time, they tend to take everything they do for them for granted. This creates unspoken expectations and one is annoyed when the other does not act as one would like. This not infrequently leads to separation.
Here, too, the golden rule helps: communication is half the battle. It prevents many misunderstandings and can also bring couples back together. Basically, you shouldn't throw in the towel too quickly, advises Fauck. Perseverance is the magic word. "Whoever throws the gun in the grain at the smallest problem, will never experience the happiness of long-term familiarity and beautiful shared memories," says the expert.
Conclusion: practical guide that holds up a mirror to couples
Silvia Fauck's relationship guide gives couples a guide with many practical, everyday tips. It stimulates reflection in many places and holds up a mirror to both partners without lecture with a raised index finger. A look into the book is worthwhile not only for couples who have reached a dead end, but also for those who want to prevent conflicts and have a lively relationship.
"The Fall of Love - How to Prevent Lovesickness", edited by Silvia Fauck, was published as an e-book by xPUB-Verlag, 149 pages, ISBN 9783945703090, Price: 7.99 euros
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