Will diet companies ever go away?


Leave the archive and display this page in the standard design: Jokes ... PART2



Uhhmmm.

That was a joke I got from a friend! Nevertheless, it is discussed very questionably and factually !?

Does he belong in the social circle after all, Mr. Fenc Pants! :) <--- smiley alert!

I didn't deny putting it in there. My first comment was so mean that you can discuss it for a long time and then come to the conclusion that there used to be things that were better and worse.
I didn't write that everything's in there is crap, did I?

I have nothing against a discussion, why should I? It only bothered me that you pretend that it was only meant funny, although you yourself thought about posting it in the Sociforum, that contradicts itself a bit, but it doesn't matter.

the last point is funny ...
But as it is / should be today: the school informs the parents, the parents drive to school and pick up their child, bring it to the doctor. Although you have signed a note that the school can put the child in a taxi with a classmate and they will then drive directly to the doctor, the parents will be notified by the school and will then come to the doctor (which is quicker, if it really isn't. " worse "injury is).



all in all, ... funny text from you. X-D

To be honest, I don't find it funny or thought-provoking. For the latter, it has too little to do with reality imo.

The fact is, it is not far from the real!

I went to a school until 2005 and if it were really true, then I would have changed my school. I seem to have been to "old-fashioned" schools, because I was more likely to be in 1973. (except for the thing with the beating, of course, respect was taught differently)

But of course it is quite possible that it looks different with pure secondary or secondary schools than my impressions are.

By the way, to generalize one should punish with 20 years imprisonment and subsequent preventive detention. (or even just with a little hint)

Isn't supposed to reflect reality either, but the direction some things are going (are going).

@Fency Pant. My COMPLETE post was meant ironically! No matter!

OK, so I don't end up being a curmudgeon here yet another joke!

Bernd has his first day as a truck driver in a new company!
Boss: "Bernd you just have to bring a truck with gravel to the Barreberg! Can you do that? But you have to go backwards because you can't turn up there!"
Bernd: "Sure no problem"

Bernd drives off, and also drives up in reverse. The police come by, see it and stop him!
Policeman: "What's going on here? Why are you backing up here and stopping the traffic ?!"
Bernd "yes, my boss said that I can't turn up there, that's why I'm backing up here!"
Policeman: "Oh, yes, then go on!"

half an hour later the police come by again and see that this time Bernd is going backwards! Then they stop him again!

Policeman: "What's going on now? You went back up extra because you can't turn up there !?
Bernd: "Yes, my boss is maybe an idiot. I could turn around up there!

Hopefully it works this time!

Hopefully it works this time!

; D funny


@Fency Pant. My COMPLETE post was meant ironically! No matter!

OK, so I don't end up being a curmudgeon here yet another joke!

Bernd has his first day as a truck driver in a new company!
Boss: "Bernd you just have to bring a truck with gravel to the Barreberg! Can you do that? But you have to go backwards because you can't turn up there!"
Bernd: "Sure no problem"

Bernd drives off, and also drives up in reverse. The police come by, see it and stop him!
Policeman: "What's going on here? Why are you backing up here and stopping the traffic ?!"
Bernd "yes, my boss said that I can't turn up there, that's why I'm backing up here!"
Policeman: "Oh, yes, then go on!"

half an hour later the police come by again and see that this time Bernd is going backwards! Then they stop him again!

Policeman: "What's going on now? You went back up extra because you can't turn up there !?
Bernd: "Yes, my boss is maybe an idiot. I could turn around up there!

Hopefully it works this time!

Nice try to talk it out, but the joke is really good. :)

To be honest, I don't find it funny or thought-provoking. For the latter, it has too little to do with reality imo.mmm ...

: confused: You should be familiar with the Reutlingen school and rampage. That should be at least a duck (http://www.spiegel.de/schulspiegel/0,1518,464981,00.html), otherwise I would think again how close the text is to reality, at least for big cities .

Attention "WITZALARM"
Well then * move *;)

There is a lot of truth in that. It looks like we're living in a society of wimps. But that is a fallacy. Rather, it could be said that we live in a society of hypocrites. Public is made soft, but behind the scenes the daily war rages (as in all times) in which more and more are left behind. This is called modern humanity, tolerance, solidarity etc ...
The only bad thing is that this hypocrisy also causes damage that is actually unnecessary.

Nice text. Thanks for posting. And don't be afraid. :)

A little toughness, consistency and discipline does no harm. If it is forbidden to set limits, neglect occurs on all levels.

@Fency Pant. My COMPLETE post was meant ironically! No matter!

OK, so I don't end up being a curmudgeon here yet another joke!

Bernd has his first day as a truck driver in a new company!
Boss: "Bernd you just have to bring a truck with gravel to the Barreberg! Can you do that? But you have to go backwards because you can't turn up there!"
Bernd: "Sure no problem"

Bernd drives off, and also drives up in reverse. The police come by, see it and stop him!
Policeman: "What's going on here? Why are you backing up here and stopping the traffic ?!"
Bernd "yes, my boss said that I can't turn up there, that's why I'm backing up here!"
Policeman: "Oh, yes, then go on!"

half an hour later the police come by again and see that this time Bernd is going backwards! Then they stop him again!

Policeman: "What's going on now? You went back up extra because you can't turn up there !?
Bernd: "Yes, my boss is maybe an idiot. I could turn around up there!

Hopefully it works this time! He's from "Didi in full swing" - and he's 21 years old!

What is the difference between "pervers" and "erotisch"?
"Erotic" is when your friend takes off her panties and throws them against the wall.
"perverse" is when it sticks!



Mfg Sokan

What is the difference between "pervers" and "erotisch"?
"Erotic" is when your friend takes off her panties and throws them against the wall.
"perverse" is when it sticks!



Mfg Sokan
I would find perverse if the wall had also groaned.

What is the difference between "pervers" and "erotisch"?
"Erotic" is when your friend takes off her panties and throws them against the wall.
"perverse" is when it sticks!



Mfg Sokan
I would find it perverse if it had broken through the wall; D

I would find it perverse if it had broken through the wall; D
Well we are used to a lot ..he .....: redface:: |

http://img240.imageshack.us/img240/2766/nicewhistlingms8.gif

Eroticism is a feather.

The whole chicken is perverted.

Eroticism is a feather.

The whole chicken is perverted.
the worst presented joke. X-D

Superman is bored. He calls Batman and asks:
"Hey Batman, I'm bored, do you want to go around the houses?"
Then batman says:
"No you, I can't, I have to repair my batmobil"
Then Superman calls Spiderman and asked him
"Hey Spiderman, I'm bored, do you want to go around the houses?
He then says:
"Oh dude, I can't, I have to refill my spinnerets"
So Superman flies alone over the city and thinks: What am I doing, what am I doing ...
Then he sees Wonderwoman lying naked on a roof. Great, thinks Superman, I've always wanted to take her on, and as fast as I am I can take it and leave again and she doesn't even notice that it was me.
So no sooner said than done, Superman flies, Zack and he's gone.
Wondewoman calls: "Oops, what was that ??"
The Invisible One then says:
"Aah, I don't know, but it hurt a lot!"

I would find perverse if the wall had also groaned.
The topic is still haunted somewhere in the Sociforum. ;)

he's from "Didi in full swing" - and he's 21 years old!

It's from Fips Asmussen aka Furz Anussen and even older .;)

"Mom, do I get a cookie?"
"Sure, get one ..."
"But mom, I don't have any arms!"
"Well, no arms, no cookies ...": udevil:



Brad Pitt, Robby Williams and Dieter Bohlen die in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, Peter says to them:
"We have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So you step into heaven and indeed: ducks over ducks everywhere. It's nearly impossible not to step on a duck, and while they try their best to avoid it, Brad steps on a duck.
Peter comes to him with the ugliest woman he has ever seen, chains them together and says:
"As a punishment for stepping on a duck, you will spend the rest of eternity chained to this ugly woman!"
The next day Robby steps on a duck, and Peter, who misses nothing, rushes over and with him another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same remark he made on Brad.
Bohlen has observed all of this and is careful where he steps so that he does not suffer the same fate. He manages to walk around for months without stepping on a duck.
One day, Petrus comes up to him with the most stunning woman he has ever seen: a tall, tanned, curvy, sexy brunette. Peter chains them together without a word.
Bohlen says:
"I'd like to know how I deserved to be connected to you for the rest of eternity."
The beautiful replies sullenly:
"I stepped on such a fucking duck!"

poor cookies

ducks


the first is nasty.

and the joke is just: ulol:

An admin goes for a walk with his girlfriend.

Man asks god.
- Why did you make the woman so beautiful?
God
- So that you can love her.
Man.
- Why did you make her so stupid ?!
God
- So that she can love you.

Thomas, Heinz Harald and Micheal get lost in the desert. After the 3rd day, totally dying of thirst, Michael sees an oasis. He and Heinz Harald set off to have a drink. Thomas can't hold back, also starts sprinting.

Shortly before they can jump into the cold water, Thomas warns in a serious voice that this oasis is cursed and that they should disappear. After the other two skilfully ignored Thomas' warnings and have enjoyed themselves in the cold water, an old witch appears threatening to kill everyone. Unless they brought her fruit from the desert. Thomas, who did not jump into the water, is spared.

HH and M are on their way. After 3 days, HH comes back. He has 100 cherries with him. He proudly presents this to the witch. The witch tells him to stick the cherries one by one in his anus and not laugh at the same time. The first is in. the second. Fifth. 20th. 40th, 89th, 97th, 98th, 99th. Slowly, HH seems slightly exhausted. Thomas cheers him up. He should only put the last one in. It's not easy, he thinks. Until HH starts laughing. but really loud. Thomas totally scared. He starts screaming: "You are going to die now!". Then HH replies:

"I can't help it. Michael just came running up with 100 watermelons!"; D

When a blonde calls her boyfriend at work:
"You, I just bought a puzzle, but all the pieces look the same!"
"That can't be! Don't you have a template?"
"Yes, there is a big red rooster on the package, but I really can't do that!"
10 minutes later the friend comes home, looks and says:
"So honey, now we're going to put all of the Kellogg's cornflakes in the box again and then we won't talk about it anymore!"

At a depth of 7 meters, one diver notices another who is at the same depth without diving equipment. The diver goes six meters deeper, a few minutes later the other is there too. When he is back after another nine meters, the diver takes a blackboard and writes with waterproof chalk:
"How the hell do you manage to stay without diving equipment at this depth for so long?"
The other scribbled on the board with his last bit of strength:
"I'm drowning, you fool!"

A man goes to a pet shop and demands a polar bear. The dealer also has one there and says: "It is very tame and cuddly, you must NEVER touch it by the nose!"
At home everything is fine, until one day the man thinks "I can't take it anymore! I have to touch his nose!"
He does it and the polar bear jumps at him with a roar. He runs away, up stairs, down stairs, around the living room table, around the kitchen table, the polar bear always close behind.
Finally the man is completely exhausted, the polar bear reaches him, hits him on the shoulder from behind with his paw and says:
"You are!"

At the fire station, a fireman is working outside on the fire truck and sees a little boy standing in front of the station. The little boy has a fire helmet on and a little red trailer with ladders on the side that is pulled by a dog.
The fireman asks the boy kindly: "Hey, young man, what are you doing here?"
The boy replies, "I'm a firefighter and this is my fire truck."
"But that's a great fire truck," says the fireman and takes a closer look at the matter. He notices that the boy has tied the trailer to the dog's testicles.
"Young man, I don't want to talk you into it, but I think if you tie the trailer to the collar, your fire engine will definitely be faster."
The little boy replies: "I'm sure you're right, but then I won't have a siren anymore ..."

A woman is about to be stoned. Jesus steps in front of the crowd and says:
"Who of you is without sin, throw the first stone!"
Suddenly a huge Wacker comes flying and hits the woman in the head.
Dead.
Jesus turns around and says: "Mother, sometimes you really puke me ..."

A man with a glass eye longs to be able to see in both eyes again. The surgeon gives him great hopes: "With today's state of medicine, this can certainly be achieved. All you have to do is find a donor who will sacrifice an eye for you."
On the drive home, the one-eyed man is overtaken by a speedy driver. Three corners further the fast car crashes into a tree, the car is nothing but a smoking heap of rubble. The driver is dead. The one-eyed man instantly recognizes his chance to get a new eye. He pulls out his pocket knife, a cut, the poor casualty is given the superfluous glass eye - and nothing like back to the clinic. There the transplant works to everyone's satisfaction.
The next day the bandage is removed and happy to see both eyes again, the patient picks up the newspaper. The first thing he reads was the headline of the day: "The police are puzzled. Sports car driver with two glass eyes has a fatal accident ..."


Does anyone actually know East Frisian jokes?

The East Frisians have declared war on China. "We have 2 tanks and 150 soldiers." China replies, "OK, assumed. We have 15,000 tanks and 5 million soldiers." Ostfriesland telegraphs back: "We have to cancel, we don't have enough space for the prisoners of war."

Doctor Kniesewetter makes house calls in East Frisia. On the way he meets a patient who is pulling a rope behind him. "Why that?" asks the doctor Kniesewetter. "Pushing doesn't work, I've already tried it."

An East Frisian to his neighbor: "I have now had a combination lock put on my pigsty. All digits are five, but I do not say in which order."

In Aurich, an apprentice baker was reprimanded for writing "Congratulations" on a birthday cake. - Why?
Because he didn't get the cake in the typewriter.

Why do East Frisians take a rock, a match and a measuring tape to bed with them?
They throw out the light with the stone, with the match they check whether the light is really off, and with the tape measure they measure how deeply they have slept.

A wife to her husband: "Darling, we have to save, from now on there will be no more beer !!!"
Two weeks later, the man discovers a direct debit of € 150 for cosmetics on an account statement ...
he: "Honey, didn't you say we had to save?"
she: "yes why?"
he: "and why do you spend 150 € on cosmetics ???"
she: "so that I'm pretty for you too ..."
he: "WHAT DO YOU THINK WHAT THE BEER WAS FOR?!?!?!" : biggrin:

Why does Günther Grass write ß now?
Because SS didn't bring him luck ...

Merkel and Schröder meet in George Buch's stomach.
Says Schröder: "I think Bush ate me."
Merkel replied: "I have nothing to say, I came in from the other side."


Why did God steal a rib from Adam and turn it into a woman?
He wanted to show that nothing sensible would come out of the theft.

Mfg Sokan

A snail sits on a turtle and screams: "Huuuuiii!"

http://www.folk-mit-durchblick.de/durchblick.php

:-))

http://www.folk-mit-durchblick.de/durchblick.php

:-))

there are really things there where you can really laugh about it: biggrin:; D

Somewhere in the deepest part of Bavaria:

Son: "Dad, I would like to have sex reassignment surgery!"
Father: "Wos?!? A Fotzn could hom !!" ; D

there are really things there where you can really laugh about it: biggrin:; D

The site is awesome ... soon I can't laugh anymore: crazy:: ulol4:: ulol5:

Example:
thank you very much for your servie! to my question, what is, or rather, how does the "croissant position" work?
(female, 19)

They both scurry up a tree and she gnaws at the acorn. Definitely something for connoisseurs.

A couple drives on a country road in winter when they discovers something next to the road.

She asks her husband to stop and see - it's a young skunk.
She: "The little one is still alive! Let's take him with us, warm it up a bit and then release it again."
He: "Well, let's do it."
She: "He's half frozen, how are we supposed to transport him?"
He: "Take it between your legs, it's nice and warm."
You: "Well, but the smell ...?"

He: "Shut your nose!"


The husband is recovering in the hospital - the little skunk he is with
was beaten, unfortunately did not survive.

: ulol3:

A man comes to the doctor and complains: "Doctor, I have a penis like a toddler".
Says the doctor: "Well, it's not that bad either, just show me".
The man opens his pants, at the same moment the doctor faints. When he regains his senses, the man says, "Look, Doctor, like a toddler, 52cm long and 9 pounds."

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH:

How long does the semen think on the skin after my friend touches his penis?
(female, 20) Sperm doesn't think about it, sperm already knows everything.

http://www.folk-mit-durchblick.de/durchblick.php

Hello? Last posting here> 1 month ago! Doesn't anyone know a joke anymore?

Go two toothpicks up a mountain. A hedgehog overtook them. Says one of the toothpicks: "If I had known there was a bus going here, we would have taken it."

The Pope's email address?


Urbi @ orbi

The Pope's email address?


Urbi @ orbi

xD that's cool ^^

How does a statistics professor catch an elephant?
He puts a Gaussian bell over him, then the probability that the elephant is trapped is 1.

a ball rolls around the curve and falls over

How does a statistics professor catch an elephant?
He puts a Gaussian bell over him, then the probability that the elephant is trapped is 1.
I don't look

I don't look
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normalgabe

jö normal distribution I had grad at matura gg

How do programmers catch elephants? Elephant hunt (http://home.leo.org/~loescher/jokes/elefant/elefant.html)

MATHEMATICS hunt elephants by going to Africa, removing everything that is not elephant and catching an element of the rest.
SQL programmers write "SELECT Elephant FROM Africa" ​​X-D
C ++ programmers insist that the elephant is a class, and thus ultimately has to bring its own catching methods with it. And if the elephant should leave Africa, then its destructor is automatically triggered.

When a blonde calls her boyfriend at work:
"You, I just bought a puzzle, but all the pieces look the same!"
"That can't be! Don't you have a template?"
"Yes, there is a big red rooster on the package, but I really can't do that!"
10 minutes later the friend comes home, looks and says:
"So honey, now we're going to put all of the Kellogg's cornflakes in the box again and then we won't talk about it anymore!"

At a depth of 7 meters, one diver notices another who is at the same depth without diving equipment. The diver goes six meters deeper, a few minutes later the other is there too. When he is back after another nine meters, the diver takes a blackboard and writes with waterproof chalk:
"How the hell do you manage to stay without diving equipment at this depth for so long?"
The other scribbled on the board with his last bit of strength:
"I'm drowning, you fool!"

A man goes to a pet shop and demands a polar bear. The dealer also has one there and says: "It is very tame and cuddly, you must NEVER touch it by the nose!"
At home everything is fine, until one day the man thinks "I can't take it anymore! I have to touch his nose!"
He does it and the polar bear jumps at him with a roar. He runs away, up stairs, down stairs, around the living room table, around the kitchen table, the polar bear always close behind.
Finally the man is completely exhausted, the polar bear reaches him, hits him on the shoulder from behind with his paw and says:
"You are!"

At the fire station, a fireman is working outside on the fire truck and sees a little boy standing in front of the station. The little boy has a fire helmet on and a little red trailer with ladders on the side that is pulled by a dog.
The fireman asks the boy kindly: "Hey, young man, what are you doing here?"
The boy replies, "I'm a firefighter and this is my fire truck."
"But that's a great fire truck," says the fireman and takes a closer look at the matter. He notices that the boy has tied the trailer to the dog's testicles.
"Young man, I don't want to talk you into it, but I think if you tie the trailer to the collar, your fire engine will definitely be faster."
The little boy replies: "I'm sure you're right, but then I won't have a siren anymore ..."

A woman is about to be stoned. Jesus steps in front of the crowd and says:
"Who of you is without sin, throw the first stone!"
Suddenly a huge Wacker comes flying and hits the woman in the head.
Dead.
Jesus turns around and says: "Mother, sometimes you really puke me ..."

A man with a glass eye longs to be able to see in both eyes again. The surgeon gives him great hopes: "With today's state of medicine, this can certainly be achieved. All you have to do is find a donor who will sacrifice an eye for you."
On the drive home, the one-eyed man is overtaken by a speedy driver. Three corners further the fast car crashes into a tree, the car is nothing but a smoking heap of rubble. The driver is dead. The one-eyed man instantly recognizes his chance to get a new eye. He pulls out his pocket knife, a cut, the poor casualty is given the superfluous glass eye - and nothing like back to the clinic. There the transplant works to everyone's satisfaction.
The next day the bandage is removed and happy to see both eyes again, the patient picks up the newspaper. The first thing he reads was the headline of the day: "The police are puzzled. Sports car driver with two glass eyes has a fatal accident ..."


Does anyone actually know East Frisian jokes?

The East Frisians have declared war on China. "We have 2 tanks and 150 soldiers." China replies, "OK, assumed. We have 15,000 tanks and 5 million soldiers." Ostfriesland telegraphs back: "We have to cancel, we don't have enough space for the prisoners of war."

Doctor Kniesewetter makes house calls in East Frisia. On the way he meets a patient who is pulling a rope behind him. "Why that?" asks the doctor Kniesewetter. "Pushing doesn't work, I've already tried it."

An East Frisian to his neighbor: "I have now had a combination lock put on my pigsty. All digits are five, but I do not say in which order."

In Aurich, an apprentice baker was reprimanded for writing "Congratulations" on a birthday cake. - Why?
Because he didn't get the cake in the typewriter.

Why do East Frisians take a rock, a match and a measuring tape to bed with them?
They throw out the light with the stone, with the match they check whether the light is really off, and with the tape measure they measure how deeply they have slept.
; D; D; D

Attention, this spoiler contains some jokes that are not suitable for minors! : D

1789, French Revolution. Someone runs through the streets and yells: "Menstruation, menstruation!"
"Hey, that means revolution!" "It doesn't matter, the main thing is that blood flows!"


In the south of the USA a dead colored man lies on the street.
The sheriff examines the body, finds 23 bullet points and says:
"My God, I haven't seen such a bad suicide in a long time!"


A lifeguard is sitting in his chair on the beach, suddenly he sees a blind man walking along the beach with a sex doll. He jumps up and goes to the blind man. "Sorry, you can't walk around here with the sex doll, there are a lot of children around!" Blind man: "With what, please?" "Well, with the sex doll you are carrying!" Blind man: "Shit, now I've been fucking my rubber dinghy all winter!"


A sailor arrives back in his home port from a long sea voyage and immediately goes to the next brothel. He asks for a girl who should give him a blowjob. He goes to the room with her and she gets to work. After 10 minutes she takes it out and asks:
"Tell me, will it never get stiff at all!"
He replies: "It shouldn't become stiff either, but clean ..."


What happens if you throw a hand grenade in the kitchen?
Not much - the chaos stays the same, only the stupid chatter suddenly stops ...




A blonde is walking in the city and comes to a lantern.
There is a note on this: 'Apartment for rent'
The blonde thinks:
'Super! I need an apartment anyway. ' She knocks on the lantern.

... Nobody opens. She repeats her attempt, but is not opened to her.
A blonde policewoman across the street watches the blonde's efforts for a while, takes heart and goes to her.

The policewoman asks: 'What are you doing here?'

The blonde points to the note 'Apartment for rent' hanging on the lantern and notes that she has been knocking for a long time, but no one has opened it.

The policewoman looks at the blonde, then at the lantern and then remarks succinctly:

'That does not exist! The light is on, someone has to be there! '




Two boys stand in front of the registry office and look at a newlyweds with interest. "Listen," says one of them, "do we want to scare them?" "Yes," says the other, walking up to the groom and shouting: "Hello, Papa!"


A blonde comes to the gynecologist and says:

"Doctor, when I urinate, stamps always come out!".
After a urine sample, the doctor says:
"Dear lady, these are not stamps, but stickers made from bananas!"


Tell me, Fritz, what is erotic? It is erotic when you gently stroke a woman with a feather.
And what is perverted? If the chicken is still on it ...!

Munich, midsummer, midday heat approx. 38 ° C:

When a man in swimming trunks is standing in the middle of the Isar, he fills a mug with river water and is about to start drinking when a Bavarian yells at him from the bank:

"Hey, you do, what are you doing after you do? Are you stupid? You couldn’t drink the filthy Isarwassa. You’re gnawing and gripping at Sackrian Duachfoi and you have to gwis aa on it! D'hund und Katzn shit nei; it's do ois with bacteria and viruses missed. If it's bläd hergähd, sogoa must be very miserable dro varegga !! "

The man in the Isar looked at him and asked:
"Wat ham se jesacht? Do you speak keen toitsch?"

The Bavarian yells even louder in perfect written German:

"Drink very slowly, the water is very cold" =)

Dad, how was I born?

Well my child, at some point we would have this
Have a conversation:
Dad met mom in a chat room.
Later, mum and dad are in one
Hit the Cyber ​​Cafe and the mum went to the toilet
a couple of downloads from dads
Want to make MemoryStick. When the dad finished
for uploading, we suddenly noticed that
we didn't have a firewall installed. Unfortunately it was
too late to press Cancel or Escape and
the message Do you really want to upload? we had
in the options under settings already at the beginning
deleted. Mom's virus scanner hasn't been in a long time
updated and knew about daddy's blaster worm
not so right. We hit the enter key and
Mama got the message:
Estimated download time: 9 months

First of all: the text didn't grow on my crap, but I had a lot of fun.

I am not an understanding of women. I just don't understand these female beings with their delicate bulges at certain points on their lovely bodies, even if they stimulate my pituitary gland to do special production shifts.
I see one of these women come to me and ask: "Duhu, my car has to go to the MOT, how does that work?"
This lovely helplessness drives the answer out of my mouth as if by itself: "How, you've never been to the TÜV? How old is your car?"
"My car is three years old and it's called Sven!"
"Aha, well then you don’t need to worry, that’s a sure-fire success, no problem."
"And how does that work now?"
""
"Where do I have to go?"
"To the TÜV."
"Where is that?"
"Im Ausschläger Weg, the exact address and telephone number are in the phone book."
"Where?"
"Okay, I'll find it out."
Look. "Thanks!"
"Here she is."
"What do I have to say?"
"Good day!"
"And then?"
"Then you can make an appointment to show your car!"
"How do I do that?"
"Orally!" (I also don't know why I have to think about something completely different right now ...) "And how expensive is that?"
"You can ask me right away!"
"Isn't that cheaper?"
"You don't even know how expensive it will be."
"Shouldn't I have the TÜV done in the workshop?"
"Sure, if you have too much money!"
"No, but if something has to be done, they can do it right away."
"How old was your plane?"
"My car is called Sven and it is three years old."
"And what if there is something wrong with a three-year-old car?"
"I do not know!"
"Did you notice anything that wasn't working?"
"No, but it can still be."
"Well, you can control the simple things like lighting yourself, right?"
"How then, I'm sitting in the car."
"?"
"And what are they doing at TÜV?"
"First you drive to the lighting and brake control."
"But I don't want to drive, can't they do that?"
"If you ask in a friendly way, someone will surely help you."
"And if not?"
"Then you just have to do what the examiner tells you to do."
"What?"
"Well, turn on the lights, and so on." My mind wanders. I'll see you at the TÜV. She and her * Sven * in the hall at the TÜV ...
.... Examiner: "Please switch on the low beam!"
Windshield wipers go on.
"Light please, not the windshield wiper!"
Windshield wipers on level two.
"Light please!"
HUUUUUUP!
Checker ticks checkpoint * bugle *.
"Can you turn on the low beam now, please?"
Light goes on.
"Now high beam, please!"
Automatic windscreen wiper and washer cleans the windscreen.
"High beam please!"
Windshield wipers off, fog lights on.
"The high beam please!"
Fog lights and high beam on.

"Thank you, now please turn signal right!"
Wipers on again.
"'Sorry!"
Left turn signal on.
"And now please turn signal on the left!"

Right turn signal on.
"Hazard warning lights!"
Fan level three.
"Hazard warning lights please!"
All lights off, hazard lights on.
Examiner goes to the stern of * Sven *.
"Please switch on the headlights!"

Wipers on.
"Headlights please!"
Light on, short horn.
"Thank you, now blink right!"
Rear wiper on.
"Please blink to the right!"
Right (you don't believe it!) Turn signal on.
"Thanks, now on the left!"
"What is it on the left?"
"Flash!"
Right turn signal on.
"Left Please!"
"But I did!"
"Other side!"
HUUUUP
"Please blink to the left!"
Left turn signal on.
"Hazard warning lights please!"
Hazard warning lights on, inspector surprised.
Examiner goes to the hood of * Sven *.
"Please open the bonnet!"
"You're welcome?"
"Please unlock the bonnet."
"How come?"
"There's a little lever there, please pull it!"
The fuel cap swings open.
"The other one!"
The trunk is unlocked.
"The other one, in the front of the footwell!"
"Ouch, my fingernail!"
Open the bonnet.
Examiner leans into the engine compartment.
HUUUUP
Examiner bumps his head.
"'Sorry!"
Examiner closes the hood and comes to the driver's door.
"Please get out!"
"But I apologized ...!"
"I want to drive the car to the brake test, so please get out!"
Examiner swings in * Sven *, starts the engine and drives to the brake test. She stops, confused. Rear brake test. She is still rooted to the spot. Examiner leans out the window.
"You can go through the corridor to the other hall, I'll be there in a moment!"
"Am I finished yet?"
"No, he still has to go on stage, and ASU is still missing!"
"Where should I go?"
"There through the door, down the corridor straight into the other hall at the end of the corridor, I'll be there in a minute!"
"And my car?"
"I'll take it to the other hall."
She goes through the corridor into the other hall and stands in the open space. The examiner can just stop by braking hard to avoid knocking you around on the way to the stage.
She jumps to the side, frightened, and holds on to the operating buttons of the neighboring lifting platform, which immediately descends on the other examiner and the driver of the car that has just been tested. Only by a courageous jump by the corpse-pale examiner from * Sven * to the emergency stop button, worse can be prevented. With a slight shake of the head, the two men crawl out from under the neighboring stage and continue the test.
Our examiner is still pale when he * Sven * drives onto the now free stage. He gets out and drives * Sven * up. With a lamp and the test sheet, the examiner disappears under * Sven *. The testing of the front suspension by means of the pneumatic vibrator is abruptly stopped by a bloodcurdling scream. Irritated looks from the two examiners and the gentleman from the car next door.
"What are you doing there? You're wrecking my car! Please leave it!"
"But I have to check the axle, and that is the device intended for it!"
I admire this man's patience, but he's probably married, or at least firmly in a relationship. Or gay.
"But that looks dangerous."
"Miss, if you can't see that, why don't you go into the waiting room and have a coffee!"
"And you're messing around with my Sven, aren't you?"
"I'm just doing my job."
"I remain!"
"Fine, but now I have to check the front axle."
"Be careful!"
"...."
After passing this test, * Sven * is put back on his own bikes.
"Now please drive out of here, then right around the hall to the ASU."
"Where?"
"To the ASU!"
"Left?"
"No, please turn right!"
"Not on the left?"
The examiner goes to the ASU hall in silence.
She gets into * Sven * and turns the ignition key. Diesel engines have a powerful starter due to their design, which can move a car with an engaged gear jerkily, from at least forward.
Fortunately, the examiner went sideways, and luckily the gate was already up ...
She kicks the clutch with a flushed face and starts * Sven *.
After the diesel engine had dropped below the critical level in terms of speed again, you honked briefly, lowered the passenger window and asked the inspector:

"Where to go again?
Left?"
"Right around the hall to ASU, there is a big sign with * ASU-exam HERE * on it, you will find it. I'll wait for you there."
I am beginning to sincerely admire this man's patience.
She actually managed to get lost on the long way only once (she landed again in the hall for the lighting and brake tests), only to come to a stop in front of the ASU hall.
Please start the engine to warm up! "
Full throttle at idle.
"It's enough if you just let it idle!" the examiner yells at * Sven * in the red speed range.
"WHAT?"
"S-T-A-N-D-G-A-S!"
* Sven * calms down again.
"So, please drive up, start the engine"
"Why, the engine is on?!?"
"Please drive up ...!"
Under an extremely unfavorable ratio of speed to speed from a technical point of view, due to the slipping clutch, * Sven * slowly moves into the specified position.
She turns off the engine.
"I asked you to let the engine run!"
"'Sorry..."
After * Sven * had calmed down, the examiner did what the job asked him to do.
She stood by with a mixed mix of curiosity, fear, and suspicion. The suspicion and curiosity prevailed, and she pressed at the same time as the question "What kind of button is that?" on the reset button of the test device. The examiner was pale now because the exam was almost over when this happened.
Now he had to start all over again. He could see that the rising lust for murder formed his features. In the end, however, this test was also successful, and * Sven * received his plaques.
Nothing new is known about the further fate of the auditor, most recently he reported from the Caribbean, where he is doing a rewarding job as a night pot cleaner ...

A mother listens from the kitchen to her 6-year-old son playing with his new train in the living room. She hears the train stop and her son say:

"All totally stupid guys who want to get off here, get your asses off the train! And all idiots who get on here, hurry up, you lame bums!"

The totally shocked mother runs to her son and says: "You go straight to your room for 2 hours. People don't speak like that in this house! After the 2 hours you can play with the train again, but only if you are one of them use more polite language. "

Two hours later she hears her son playing on the train again. "All passengers who get off here, please don't forget anything on the train. Thank you for traveling with us. We wish our new passengers who get on here a pleasant journey." Mommy is happy like a snow queen until she hears the little one add:

".... and everyone who is pissed off about the 2-hour delay complains to the slut in the kitchen" .... "

A woman wakes her husband in the middle of the night: Honey, there's a burglar sitting in the kitchen eating my cake! Dial the emergency number quickly!

Then he: Which one? Police or ambulance?

When God created Adam and Eve,
he had two more things to give them.

God said: "I have two more presents for you, each of you will get one of them. One is to be able to pee while standing ..."

Adam interrupted him: "I want, I want it, it would be really nice and my life would be so much easier and funnier!" Then he looked at Eva and Eva nodded and said, "Yes, why not, it's not that important to me."

So God gave Adam this gift. Adam screamed with joy, hopped around and peed here and there, ran to the beach, peed there too and admired the patterns he had made in the sand.

God and Eve looked at Adam's joy and Eve asked God:
"And the second gift you wanted to give us ...?"
"The brain, Eva, the brain."; D

When God created Adam and Eve,
he had two more things to give them.

God said: "I have two more presents for you, each of you will get one of them. One is to be able to pee standing up ..."

Adam interrupted him: "I want, I want it, it would be really nice and my life would be so much easier and funnier!" Then he looked at Eva and Eva nodded and said, "Yes, why not, it's not that important to me."

So God gave Adam this gift. Adam screamed with joy, hopped around and peed here and there, ran to the beach, peed there too and admired the patterns he had made in the sand.

God and Eve looked at Adam's joy and Eve asked God:
"And the second gift you wanted to give us ...?"
"The brain, Eva, the brain."; D

I know that with:

You can see how god has just finished tinkering Adam and runs to eva and he mumbles:
Brain is all, now there are boobs; D

A diver drives his car through Schleswig Holstein in search of a beautiful diving spot.
When he sees three Holsteiners sitting in front of a thatched-roof house, he stops and asks: "Sorry. You know your way around here. Where is the most beautiful diving spot here?"
No reaction.
"Excuse me. I am searching for the best dive-spot in this area. Can you help me?"
No reaction.
He repeats his request in Danish, French and Dutch.
No reaction.
Shaking his head, he gets into his car and drives on.

Says the first: "... he has a nice hobby ..."
Says the second: "... and he speaks a lot of languages ​​..."
Says the third: "... but it was of no use to him !!" :-)

############

My buddy is everything to me - but I can't take care of everything ..!


############

A diver comes to an unknown body of water. He asks a local if there are any sharks here. The local replies taciturnly with NO.

The diver plunges into the water and shortly afterwards he starts screaming and the water turns blood red.

The local replies: "Where there are crocodiles, there are no sharks !!"


############


As far as I am concerned, you could pour all the schnapps in the world into the sea. "
"Are you anti-alcoholic?"
"No diver!"


############

Two rescue divers watch a surfer at the quarry pond, who keeps falling off his board. When he suddenly goes under and cannot come up, one of the rescue divers jumps into the water and dives for him. At some point he has found him, pulls him to the bank and begins to donate his breath. After the second breath he remarks: "Man, the guy has bad breath"!
Says the other very dryly: "You can throw him back in, he has ice skates on"!

Were there diving jokes somewhere in the volume discount? : biggrin:

jokes?
a diver who dives nothing dives nothing? :-D

One day Jesus is walking through the desert and meets a lonely old man.
He asks this "Old man, what are you doing here?"
Old man: "I'm looking for my prodigal son."
Jesus: "Maybe I can help you, what does he look like?"
Old man: "Well, he's got nails in his hands and feet."
Jesus: "Father!"
Old man: "Pinoccio!"

Were there diving jokes somewhere in the volume discount? : biggrin:

Nope, I was looking for it. : P

But I have really found what I am looking for, because they are soooo screaming that they are not enough: |

Hopp hopp, whoever finds! Really good ones! Diver jokes ??

2 friends meet .....

Something hilarious happened to me yesterday ...

Rosi was with me. We sat down in the evening and smoked
Pear with hash too. So far as normal ...

Then we had the brilliant idea to take another lap around the block by car
drive. When we reached a roundabout and there one or two laps in the
After driving in a circle, we had the brilliant idea:
"Hey, let's go backwards through the roundabout, that is
I'm sure it's funny! "So far so good ...

And because God did not want it any other way, we were driving backwards
Of course a car met us and drove us into the trunk or we him
against the hood. So we sit in the cart and get the full one
Bull panic like "Now it's all over ..." ... And also as that
When the police arrive, we still can't believe our bad luck. By
a mutual red-eye check according to the motto "Yes, we just have
3 grams of mariuhana smoked - can you see that? "
The waiting time wasn't exactly encouraging either.

We watch in the rearview mirror like two cops with the driver of the for a long time
talking in the back of the car. Then the policeman comes to the front - we just before
Go berserk. We roll down the window, the cop stares at us and
says:
"Girls don't worry, the guy behind you
Has
almost 2 per thousand and claims that you are backwards through the roundabout
hazards!"

How good that there are alcoholics ... !!!

: '(where is the recruit's letter home (about sleeping in until 6am and not having to feed the animals and so on)
I can't find it anymore
help please - somehow sufu doesn't work

: '(where is the recruit's letter home (about sleeping in until 6am and not having to feed the animals and so on)
I can't find it anymore
help please - somehow sufu doesn't work here?

Letter from a recruit from the country (Tyrol)



Dear mother, dear father:

I'm good. I hope you, Annemarie, Klaus, Karl, Willi, Sigrid, Peter and Hans too. Says Karl and Willi that being in the army means that every job on the land is by far. You should commit yourself quickly before all seats are full.

At first I was very restless because you have to stay in bed until almost 6 a.m., but now I like sleeping in late. Says Karl and Willi you just have to fix your bed and polish a few things before breakfast.

Don't feed animals, light a fire, clean the barn or chop wood ... practically nothing. The men have to shave, but that's not so bad, because there is warm water.

The breakfast is a bit strange, with lots of juice, cereals, eggs, but completely missing potatoes, ham, steaks and the other normal stuff, but says Karl and Willi you can always sit next to some townspeople who only drink coffee and that Eating from those with your own will last until noon, when there's something to eat again.

I'm not surprised that the guys from town can't walk far. We go on "overland marches" a lot, of which the Vice Lieutenant says the long run is good for toughening up. Well, if he thinks so, as a recruit, I can't say anything against that. An "overland march"
is about as far as ours to the post office, but when we are there the townspeople have sore feet and we all drive back in trucks.

The landscape here in Burgenland is beautiful but almost completely flat. The lieutenant is like our teacher. He's always nagging. The captain is like the mayor. Majors and colonels drive a lot in cars and look funny, but they leave you alone.

And now the best. That will kill Karl and Willi laughing:

I get awards for shooting! I do not know why. The black one is much bigger than a rat's head and doesn't even move or shoot back, like the Laubrunner brothers with the air rifle.

All you have to do is lie down comfortably and hit it.

You don't even have to make your own cartridges. You have them ready in boxes.

Then there is "close combat training". You can wrestle with the townspeople.

But I have to be very careful, they break easily. Much easier than taming the bull. I'm the best at it, except against Voller Sepp, who started exactly the same day as me, but I only won against him once.

That will be because I am only 1.70 m with my 65 kilos and he is more difficult with his 2 meters and 120 kilos.

Don't forget to let Karl and Willi know quickly before others notice how things are going and run into us.

All the best,

Your daughter Maria

...
All the best,

Your daughter Maria

Too cool; D

A boy turns 18 and asks his father if he can get drunk, the father gave him permission.
The next morning the boy woke up with bruises on his body and asked his father if he had beaten him up yesterday.
Then the father: Now watch out, if you come home at half past two in the morning, it's still okay if you come to us in the bedroom and tell me Mother Fucker, it's okay if you still do say to mom that she is the next one, I can understand that too, but if you then poop on the carpet in the living room and stick pretzel sticks in there and say THE HEDGEHOG IS PENNING HERE TODAY that is clearly too much !!!

A boy turns 18 and asks his father if he can get drunk, the father gave him permission.
The next morning the boy woke up with bruises on his body and asked his father if he had beaten him up yesterday.
Then the father: Now watch out, if you come home at half past two in the morning, it's still okay if you come to us in the bedroom and tell me Mother Fucker, it's okay if you still do say to mom that she's the next one, I can understand that, but if you then poop on the carpet in the living room and stick pretzel sticks in there and say THE HEDGEHOG IS PENNING HERE TODAY that is clearly too much !!!
I almost pissed off laughing. ; D; D; D

A pervert sits on the edge of a children's playground and observes a little, blond girl who is no more than 10 years old.
The little one builds her castle in the sandpit, does and does.
He gets up, walks over to her and crouches down in front of her.
He looks at her and asks: "Well, do you want to come with your uncle, little one?"
The little one looks at him and asks: "Why then?"
He: "You will also get this delicious candy from me."
She looks at him and ponders and ponders.
Finally she says, "Keep your stupid candy and let's do it right here."

The representations in porn destroy our understanding of female sexuality .....
and we can't do anything but watch .....



Who doesn't know them: the young women. In the past they could cook like their mothers, today they can drink like their fathers ...


ps .: This message was sent with UV rays. It causes blindness in normal people, deafness in others and a smile in the sexually unsatisfied ...


What tense is that: "He shouldn't have been born."? - Defective condom ...


..and at the end of the year, when we have used 365 rubbers, we melt them down, turn them into a car tire and write "GOOD Year" on it

Congratulations on the successful purchase of your Trabant 601 S! What takes a long time will be finite good. After you have been guarded for over 12 years, you finally get your Drabbi to go out for the first time. But first, a few technical tips that will be very helpful to you:

Modor:
Lufdgegühlder Zweydagder mid rotary slide inlet control

Vendile:
geene

Noggenwelle:
ooch geene

Timing belt:
also geener

Ignition:
Molodov detachment

Zindgerzen:
Blidzgov 175 hl USSR

Carburetor:
Padschgi Bradislava single-hole hose scraper carburetor

Lischd machine:
GOW Sonnenundergang Peging

Gasoline boom:
ooch geene

Starter:
VEB starter package Winderschreg

Fahrwerg:
Frondand drive (front reschds), independent wheel suspension for spare wheel. Eengelenghinder axle on rubber springs. Cable lenght mid Audomadischer Schburverbreiderung after 10000 km. Hydraulic drum brakes in front and occasionally behind.

Body:
Floor pit 2mm enamelled bathtub blesch. Sonsd Plasde. Lieschesidze quickly ready for operation after loosening 4 SW22 screws. Dacho is driven by a wind turbine at the front of the wagon, therefore incorrect measurements possible with Geschenwind. Windshield wiper manual operation by pulling on a red cord (special equipment) Windshield washer laache in the form of water bisdole (read in the glove compartment).

Heater:
If it is necessary to keep awake, e.g. in the winder, it is necessary to purchase a Spiridusgocher. (Spiridusgochergombinad Flammendes Inferno Leibzisch) This Gocher basschd exactly on the middle console. Sorry! Drag asbesdan shoes at the shawl! Sonschd burn blisters.

Driving performance:
The speed of waking on the plain is tremendous. In the GDR it was not yet possible to research it, since a speed higher than 100 km / h was not allowed here.

Sounds:
The noises are kept within limits: Driving noise inside approx. 125 dB Driving noise outside approx. 138 dB

Attention: Wischdiger note!
The Zendralgommidee of the Sozialisdischen Einheidsbardei Deudschlands had on 1.10. In 1989 it was decided: "Every Grafdfahrzeusch building after October 1st, 1989 in the GDR is dadded out in an audomadic Sdasi gursgond role". This causes that in a vehicle that has been in western dung for more than three hours, the gubblodierd!


Finally, we would like to give you a hint: Due to the great demand for our Trabant 601 S at home and abroad, the wet Waachen to Disch schd will be delivered in 16 years and 3 months. Therefore, dent the nasal damage at the same time.

And don't forget:

The Bardei is always reschd!

Munich, midsummer, midday heat approx. 38 ° C:

When a man in swimming trunks is standing in the middle of the Isar, he fills a mug with river water and is about to start drinking when a Bavarian yells at him from the bank:

"Hey, you do, what are you doing after you do? Are you stupid? You couldn’t drink the filthy Isarwassa. You’re gnawing and gripping at Sackrian Duachfoi and you have to gwis aa on it! D'hund und Katzn shit nei; it's do ois with bacteria and viruses missed. If it's bläd hergähd, sogoa must be very miserable dro varegga !! "

The man in the Isar looked at him and asked:
"Wat ham se jesacht? Do you speak keen toitsch?"

The Bavarian yells even louder in perfect written German:

"Drink very slowly, the water is very cold" =)
I know Anners:

"A Swabian empties his slurry tank at the upper end of a river. A man comes further below to drink the water.
'You Daggl, des koosch but ed saufa, des ish poisonous wia Sau! Do verregsch!'

Says the man in the Baden accent:
'What do you mean?'

Says the Swabian:
'Drink slowly, swallow it up!' "

What kind of cake is served on a computer scientist's birthday?


Googlehopp

So that I can write that too:
redfalcon: u made my day !!! : ucrazy3:

soo mickey mouse laughing paradise ftw ^^

A man sees a car on the street with the inscription: "Automatic razors".
The car stops and he asks the man what it's got with it.
This means: "I am a razor representative".
The pedestrian asks: automatic razors? that can't work at all. Everyone has a different head shape.
Then the representative: The first time!

; D

A man storms into a watch shop: "I bought this watch from you four weeks ago and they assured me that it will last for the rest of my life, and now it is broken.
The seller replies: if you only knew how bad you looked four weeks ago.


Wife to husband:
Look, this photo was taken by Bernd of me.
Man: "he must have a great photo and reflexes like anakin skywalker".
Woman: why that?
Man: because you're on the photo with your mouth closed!


Let flowers speak: are there cactuses that mama say?; D

Says the son to his father shortly after his confirmation:
"Father, I really want to make a difference! Please give me 50 €"
Father: "Not a thing. But don't overdo it!"
The next morning the son wakes up with an animal hangover, looks at himself and has bruises all over the place. He goes to his father
and says: "Father, I was so drunk, I don't know anything about yesterday. But I have bruises everywhere, did you beat me up yesterday?"
Father:
"Son! If you ring the bell at three thirty in the morning, storm,
then, that's fine.
When you rush into the bedroom and say to me "you shit auxiliary piss you off!",
then, that's fine.
If you then later say to your mother "You old bitch go to your shop, work!",
then, that's just okay.
BUT if you go into the living room, poop on the carpet, stick pretzel sticks in and then say to me "OLD! The hedgehog lives here now!"
then, that's no longer okay!


; D; D; D

Says the son to his father shortly after his confirmation:
"Father, I really want to make a difference! Please give me 50 €"
Father: "Not a thing. But don't overdo it!"
The next morning the son wakes up with an animal hangover, looks at himself and has bruises all over the place. He goes to his father
and says: "Father, I was so drunk, I don't know anything about yesterday. But I have bruises everywhere, did you beat me up yesterday?"
Father:
"Son! If you ring the bell at three thirty in the morning, storm,
then, that's fine.
When you rush into the bedroom and say to me "you shit auxiliary piss you off!",
then, that's fine.
If you then later say to your mother "You old bitch go to your shop, work!",
then, that's just okay.
BUT if you go into the living room, poop on the carpet, stick pretzel sticks in and then say to me "OLD! The hedgehog lives here now!"
then, that's no longer okay!


; D; D; Dnot even 10 posts about you:
A boy turns 18 and asks his father if he can get drunk, the father gave him permission.
The next morning the boy woke up with bruises on his body and asked his father if he had beaten him up yesterday.
Then the father: Now watch out, if you come home at half past two in the morning, it's still okay if you come to us in the bedroom and tell me Mother Fucker, it's okay if you still do say to mom that she is the next one, I can understand that too, but if you then poop on the carpet in the living room and stick pretzel sticks in there and say THE HEDGEHOG IS PENNING HERE TODAY that is clearly too much !!!
: D

Not even 10 posts about you:

: D

Narf! Got told about Saturday and thought I just post it ... well next time first sufu: up:

strange I find the zb very funny ^^
I find that

Boy why are you coming home so late?
Dad, don't be angry today, I had horny sex for the first time.
yes boy, sit down first, have a beer and we'll talk about it.
So I'll take the beer, talking is ok too, but sit down, no, that's not possible today for the best sake

One day Bush, Blair and Merkel went for a walk in the port of Hamburg ... they looked at the ships and started to discuss which country had the best submarines ...

"WE have submarines that can stay underwater for 3 months without EVER surfacing !!" says Blair

"Oh what," says Bush, "We have submarines that can stay under water for 6 months without surfacing once !!"

... Merkel is embarrassed and doesn't really know what to say ...

suddenly the water bubbles ... and a huge rusty submarine appears ... the hatch opens ...

"VICTORY HEAL! We need diesel."

One day Bush, Blair and Merkel went for a walk in the port of Hamburg ... they looked at the ships and started to discuss which country had the best submarines ...

"WE have submarines that can stay underwater for 3 months without EVER surfacing !!" says Blair

"Oh what," says Bush, "We have submarines that can stay under water for 6 months without surfacing once !!"

... Merkel is embarrassed and doesn't really know what to say ...

suddenly the water bubbles ... and a huge rusty submarine appears ... the hatch opens ...

"VICTORY HEAL! We need diesel."

So cool; D

One day Bush, Blair and Merkel went for a walk in the port of Hamburg ... they looked at the ships and started to discuss which country had the best submarines ...

"WE have submarines that can stay underwater for 3 months without EVER surfacing !!" says Blair

"Oh what," says Bush, "We have submarines that can stay under water for 6 months without surfacing once !!"

... Merkel is embarrassed and doesn't really know what to say ...

suddenly the water bubbles ... and a huge rusty submarine appears ... the hatch opens ...

"VICTORY HEAL! We need diesel."

he's so old, the beard of the beard of the beard is called chuck norris

but the older it gets, the funnier it becomes
In 1943, for example, nobody understood him ...

but the older it gets, the funnier it becomes
In 1943, for example, nobody understood him ...

yes, but it still becomes more unrealistic and boring because of that; D

During a tour of a psychiatric institution, a visitor asked the chief doctor what options there are to find out whether a patient needs to be admitted.

"It's very simple. We fill a bathtub with water. Then we give the patient a spoon, a cup and a bucket and tell him to empty the bathtub."

"Aha, I see," says the visitor. "A normal person naturally takes the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or cup".

"Wrong," replies the chief doctor. "A normal person would pull the plug out of the bathtub! Would you like a room with a view?"

; D

One day Bush, Blair and Merkel went for a walk in the port of Hamburg ... they looked at the ships and started to discuss which country had the best submarines ...

"WE have submarines that can stay underwater for 3 months without EVER surfacing !!" says Blair

"Oh what," says Bush, "We have submarines that can stay under water for 6 months without surfacing once !!"

... Merkel is embarrassed and doesn't really know what to say ...

suddenly the water bubbles ... and a huge rusty submarine appears ... the hatch opens ...

"VICTORY HEAL! We need diesel."
muaha how cool; D; D

The Pope was very sick and many doctors came, but none of them knew what to do. Finally a very old doctor came. After examining the Pope for an hour, he told the cardinals that he had good news and bad news. The bad was that the Pope had a rare testicular disease, the good was that the only thing the Pope had to do to be cured was to sleep with a woman. Well, that was not good news for the cardinals, and they deliberated on it for a long time. Finally they went to the Pope and explained the situation to him. After some thought, he said, “I agree, but on four conditions.” The cardinals were both surprised and angry. In the ensuing commotion, the question rang out: “What would these four conditions be?” There was silence, and after a pause the Pope said: “First, the woman must be blind so that she cannot see who she is having sex with Second, she has to be deaf so she can't hear who she's having sex with. Third, she has to be stupid that if she finds out who she's had sex with, she won't be believed if she talks about it. " After a long pause, one of them asked: "And the fourth condition?" The Pope: "Big tits."

A horse gets into a car and: horse away. : ucrazy2:

why has there never been a spaceship in all with women as a crew?



that is impossible, then it would be an unmanned spaceship: biggrin:

why has there never been a spaceship in all with women as a crew?



that is impossible, then it would be an unmanned spaceship: biggrin:
If you follow the lousy logic of the even worse joke: There haven't been any unmanned spaceships in space?

Jim and Joe are out hiking in the forest, when in the distance, they see a huge bear. The bear notices them, and begins angrily running toward them. Jim calmly checks the knots of his shoes and stretches his legs.

Joe asks incredulously, "What are you doing? Do you think you can outrun that bear !?"

Jim replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."

A farmer...

... claimed to know where BSE comes from. The reporter asks: "Where does BSE come from?"
Farmer: "You must know, the bull mounts the cow once a year!"
Reporter: "But where does BSE come from now?"
Farmer: "You must also know that the cow is milked twice a day!"
Reporter: "Well, what does that have to do with BSE?"
Bauer: "If I grab your breasts twice a day, but only climb you once a year, then you go crazy too!": Biggrin:



Two Turks sit in a porn cinema. One of them says: "Well, do you already have an erection?" Says the other: "No, I still have old Nokia.": Smile:



Klaus is invited to dinner with his girlfriend's parents for the first time and wants to make a good impression.After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother go to wash the dishes.

Klaus is alone with his father and dog Hasso, who is lying under his chair. Because the food was plentiful, he cannot control himself. He lets you drive carefully - quietly but audibly. "Hasso!" Shouts the father. "Great," thinks Klaus ... "He thinks the dog is farting." So he lets another go. "Hasso!" Shouts the father even louder. Klaus feels quite safe now and frees himself with a long, loud and smelly fart. "Hasso!" shouts the father ... "Get away there before the boy shits on your head!"



An Australian comes into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm
His wife lies in the marriage bed.


He: "That's the goat I sometimes have sex with when you don't feel like it
has."


She: "That's a sheep, you *********."


He: "Who is talking to you, you bitch?"
__________________

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the plane.
The stranger turned to her and said:
"Let's talk a little together, I've heard that flights go by faster when you talk to a fellow passenger."
The little girl who had just opened her book closed it slowly and said to the stranger:
"What do you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," replied the stranger, "how about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said, "that would be an interesting subject. But first let me ask you one question. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, grass. But the deer excretes small globules, the cow exudes a shallow one." Flatbread and the horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you think that is? "
The stranger thinks about it and then says:
"Well, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies:
"Do you feel really competent to talk about nuclear power when you don't even know about shit?"

What do you do after having sex with a bald man?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..... you put them back in the stroller!

macabre macabre: D




Two engine drivers are talking.
One of them says: I was on the ICE last week; suddenly in front of me
in the middle of the rails, a blonde woman - stark naked. I immediately
Brake on the brakes, get out of the train and first really fuck the woman!

The other says: But if I were you, I would have had a blow job too!

The first one says: I haven't found the head!

Sorry sokan, but your jokes are totally bad. ; (

macabre & lusty! : D

What is small. knows and jumps through the forest?









A Jumpignon

Two engine drivers are talking.
One of them says: I was on the ICE last week; suddenly in front of me
in the middle of the rails, a blonde woman - stark naked. I immediately
Brake on the brakes, get out of the train and first fuck the woman properly!

The other says: But if I were you, I would have had a blow job too!

The first one says: I haven't found the head!

Steal the elm

Elm steal


that doesn't make the joke worse and now you tell a joke
nobody knows yet. ;)

Nothing beats the good atmosphere (Pisa sends its regards) -
a few collected anecdotes (it can hit you anywhere !!)



Mother and a three to four year old girl in the supermarket. The mother is already at the refrigerated shelves, the little one is busy with the fruit. Mother calls through half the shop:

"Schakke-line (yes, really!) Come to mom's house! No, not an apple, we made some chewing gum!"



Mother to her daughter:

"Schakke-line come off the shelves, you ass!".



A mother calls out to her 8-year-old daughter from the balcony:

"Schan-talle, don't go to the Asis!"



My former neighbors had a small child, around 5 years old, who always had to play in the completely paved courtyard. At mealtime, the mother regularly shouted from the apartment:

"Come in right now, you fucking bastard, otherwise it'll bang!"



Dialogue between two children in Warner Brothers Movie World:

1 .: "Where did Mischelle go?"

2 .: "Mischelle is where the train goes!"



A man yells across the street because his car is parked:

"Who is the motorcycle to?" Another: "I!"



"Schantall, the mother is now (spelled) W E C K - gone!"



"Sascha, come on! We're going to celebrate your Kinderjebuchtstach in another Frittenbud."



Recently at WalMart: A man is looking for his wife. He takes a deep breath and screams right next to my ear:

"Come on quickly after the mix!"



Two little proles with gangsta outfits are talking at the bus stop. Does one mean to the other:

"I'm your Mudda you son of a bitch!" :)



Two weeks ago on the train to Würzburg:

About 16 year old mother gives her one year old child a FILLED sandwich about 5 cm thick in the hand to calm him down. Child crumbles like crazy, of course. Then the mother:

"Ey Schantall, you are so shit, ey"





The other day on the bus ...