Is mom selfish

The truth is: I am a selfish mother

Children are a big responsibility. Maybe even the biggest in our life. But what if you don't want to bear this responsibility 24 hours a day. Are you a selfish mother then?

I love my children more than my own life. I can't stand the thought that something could happen to them and if it were, I don't know how to get through it. And yet I often perceive motherhood as a cage from which I cannot break out. Mainly because it makes me so emotionally vulnerable. Not only once did I ask myself whether I would do it all again and secretly throw envious glances at the uncomplicated, free life of my friends without kids. Just do and don't, when and how you want, no worries about the children, no dependencies on the partner in whatever form and so much that no longer works. Yes, will come back sometime - but I need it now! And that's exactly why I still dance the night away, go to festivals and walk the Camino de Santiago.

After all, you're a mother

Sounds selfish? It is, especially because other things fall by the wayside. But often I just have the feeling that I have to get out, get new input, run and free myself. Photographer and content producer Paul Ripke once said that his life is primarily about him Maximizing the density of events. He's right, at least for me. Please do not stand still. Like an adventure junkie, always on the lookout for the next event. Don't miss a thing. No wonder I was always the last at the party before. However, it is also very exhausting, especially for the others. For me too, because it's so difficult for me to switch off. But neither can I sit in front of the TV every evening. Then came the big break with the children: Suddenly there was no more space that I could fill with myself. Just go away in the evening, wasn’t possible at first. Everything revolved around the two. But now the two are so big that there is more space again for me and all the things that I want to do, but which you always think are no longer possible, after all, you're a mother now.

Freeing old patterns

Yes, I am, but what kind of mother do I want to be, what do I convey to my children? That they have to give up their lives if they choose to have children? No! I want you to stand up for yourself, express your wishes and dreams and, ideally, also be supported by your future partners in implementing them. Yes, I travel a lot, maybe too much at times. Dancing, concerts, birthdays and appointments with friends, on Sundays I sometimes lie in bed hungover and soon I'll be on vacation for almost three weeks - alone, just me. The reactions of other parents to whom I tell about it fluctuate between fascination, envy, admiration, pitying looks and miserably disguised rejection. And the question always follows: "And what about the children? Where are they then?" - The children also have a father, that's usually my answer. I am well aware that this does not work everywhere, especially when the partner travels a lot for work, the parents may be separated or the children are still very young. Often, however, it is not requested at all, but only complained about what is not possible and why that is so. The excuses for the partner are already provided, but he can go out every weekend. He works so much, that's okay.

Give or be satisfied?

It's not me, the self-sacrificing mother. I'm certainly not a bad mother either, but I find it hard to put myself back and actually I don't want to either. I like to think of myself and try to take good care of myself because I believe that this is also good for the children and that I am giving them the right thing. Of course, priority always rests with the two of them, but after that I'll actually come. A wise person, whose name I have forgotten, once said: "You can only make others happy when you are happy yourself." So I question everything, constantly looking for what is missing to fill it in instead of just settling for it. But where does it end and when should you be satisfied with what you have? A question that may drive me for the rest of my life. Sure I'll get calmer at some point, but right now I sometimes have so much energy that I don't even know what to do with it. That doesn't mean that I'm not tired too and that being out and about in the evenings next to my job and family is quite exhausting, but it feels good to be free in between.