Confidence is the key to everything

You can tell at first glance whether the person facing you is fearful, self-confident, dominant or shy.

Posture, tone of voice and facial expressions can speak volumes. Many people struggle with their self-esteem, feeling small and insignificant in the presence of others. But where does that come from?

Since there is probably no such thing as a "self-confidence gene", it can be said that around 90 percent is due to upbringing and external influences. Above all, the role model effect of the caregiver is important for children. However, one has to admit that in today's society it is made very difficult for us to go through life confident and strong and to accept ourselves for who we are.

High ideals. The media world leads us into unattainable ideals such as the mother who is also a career woman, the power woman who always looks like "fresh out of the egg" despite the stress, the manager who has everything under control, the smart sunny boy, who all women charmed with its charm. And then we look at each other critically in the mirror and see no trace of the superwoman or the sunny boy. Of course, there are scratches on any self-confidence, no matter how well polished. But that is the trend of the times that we all struggle with and can handle it more or less well.

However, there are many people who really suffer from their low self-esteem, and they don't have to be laughed at by the super-people of the glossy magazines. They already feel insecure when they compare themselves to their work colleagues or friends. Everyone seems better, more beautiful, smarter than they are. To compensate for this shortcoming, behave as you think others would expect them to do. They just don't manage to say "no", they immediately fear not being liked, not respected or not valued if they don't do what is asked of them. They don't perk up when someone jumps in the queue, they are polite even when they are treated unfairly. In admiration, they look up to those people who appear self-confident and dominant, who express their opinion without paying attention to whether the-

se is "customized" or "in". They envy these people, but they just don't manage to perform like that.

A difficult way. No wonder, because getting more self-confidence is not an easy endeavor. It is a difficult path in which you have to get to know yourself, your mistakes, weaknesses, but also your strengths and accept them. Feedback from real friends is very important. It is of little use to work on posture or language if you are insecure deep in your heart. Because then you will not be able to convince the others that you are self-confident. There is no point just "scratching" the surface - you have to invest a little time and energy to go through life as a strong person.

The uncertainty didn't arise overnight either. It is a product of years of wrong upbringing, wrong role model effect and wrong self-perception. Insecure people are often afraid of failure and therefore do not even face new challenges. You shy away from responsibility. If you make mistakes, you immediately blame yourself seriously. This behavior gives them little chance of failure, but unfortunately it does not allow any sense of achievement. But it is precisely these success stories that we humans can use to build up our self-esteem.

The insecure person must also learn to accept compliments. Not that easy at all. Many then weaken and evade. Insecure people often compare themselves to others and then only see that the others are better, nicer or more intelligent. They are very concerned about their appearance.

The power of the subconscious. But if the suffering becomes too strong, then something should be done. First of all, it would be important to research where the weak self-esteem comes from. Often it is sayings from childhood that still ring in your ears: "You are not clever enough for that." "Stop it, you can't do it anyway." "You are difficult to understand." "You won't get anywhere in life." These sentences lay like lead on the soul. Even if we can no longer consciously remember these sayings, they are stored in our subconscious and influence our daily actions.

But when we realize that it is these stupid sayings that damage our self-esteem, then it is a first step on the way to a healthy self-esteem.

"Nobody has said such things to me and still I suffer from low self-esteem," some people might say now. There can also be situations that affect us negatively. Experiences in childhood, such as fear of being abandoned, not feeling one hundred percent accepted by caregivers, feeling childlike powerlessness in the face of the overly dominant adult world, all of this can later gnaw at our self-esteem. In any case, it is always an uncertainty about the value of oneself and a "not being able to accept oneself" that causes a lack of self-esteem.

Self reflection. It is important on the way to a better self-esteem that you confront yourself. Trying to see yourself through each other's eyes is an important exercise. Of course, you will also find some "flaws" in yourself and it will be difficult without any ifs or buts. If you can do that, you will be able to develop a healthy sense of self. Maybe you can get rid of one or the other mistake, but basically: "I accept myself for who I am and I like myself with all my weaknesses."

Easier said than done? Not necessarily if you keep in mind that it is the strengths and weaknesses that shape our overall personality. We would not be ourselves if we consisted only of our positive qualities. A very effective exercise: sit in front of a mirror, look at yourself (it's easier with a smile) and say to yourself, "I like you - you're ok. I accept you for who you are."

For many people this is extremely difficult because they have never learned to praise themselves. "Self-praise stinks" was already given to us as a child. And yet we need such caresses so much for a healthy self-esteem. Most of the time we stand in front of the mirror and nag us. How can you then go through everyday life with a proudly swollen chest? Of course, it's nice and can also be helpful to get other people's opinions. But on the way to becoming a self-confident person you should rely more and more on your own opinion, your own intuition and ultimately on your own knowledge and experience. When making important decisions, you can of course ask good friends for advice and take new knowledge into account when making your decision. However, they should only serve to get a different perspective on the problem and thereby open up a new path for decision-making. However, you should never make your actual decisions dependent on others. After all, you yourself are responsible for the consequences - so the rule is: be courageous, make decisions yourself and know that you have to live with your choice, both positively and negatively. Many self-confident people know that the inner voice is the most important anyway and you should always listen to it.

Do not be unsettled. On the way to a happy, self-assured life, it is also important to take yourself seriously, but to recognize that not everything relates to yourself. You walk on the street, behind you two people are laughing - the thought immediately shoots through your head: "Are they laughing at me? Do I have a toilet mistake? Is my walk strange? Is my hairstyle wrong?"

Someone doesn't reply to your email. Immediately the thought settles in: "I pissed him off. Something in the email doesn't suit the person." It never occurs to you that he may not have time to answer, that he is on vacation or that the e-mail has not reached him (you can't trust the technology blindly!) Learning to let go, learning that not everything has to do with yourself!

In no case should you let yourself be unsettled by possible setbacks. You should always keep in mind that it is a long process that turns an insecure person into a charming, confident person. Along the way there will always be situations in which you feel like a small, inconspicuous mouse. But if you persevere, one day she will turn into a proud tiger.