Why am I not passionate about anything?
When passion and love are confused
Do you know it when your heartbeat increases rapidly, your blood rushes through your body until it rushes in your ears? Sometimes a thought is enough, and in certain parts of the body it gets so hot that it is almost unbearable: From there, volcano-like eruptions of embers and heat can set free at any time and in an uncontrollable manner, which will make you vibrate.
Passion can be a frenzy of sensual feelings
... that floods you and carries you away. Do you know how it feels when someone desires you infinitely? And you are also lucky enough to desire this person? When you can hardly think of anything else? Perhaps you are no longer hungry, hardly need any sleep and yet infinite energy is released? A cornucopia of endorphins, dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline and all sorts of other organically self-produced legal drugs in your body are responsible for this.
Hm, yes, many of us love these phases of life when we feel intensely seen, desired, loved, infinitely rich, pulsating, vibrating…. Then you feel very intensely as a woman (or man) and maybe just want to surrender or merge. It is a gift that you simply received and is not controllable. We hope and then often wish it will stay that way forever.
... or scare you
Yes, there are also people who are unsure of passions or who can even really scare them, because what is not quite possible in such intoxicating states is control and logical behavior. Sometimes it is also the case that we do want strong feelings, but prefer to be controlled. So only if the person, the timing and other things are right.
Even singles often have a very clear idea of what should or shouldn't be and therefore don't even see some of the surprises in life. Of course there are always logical reasons not to want to live a passion. Maybe when the desired person messes up the previous life because maybe we are already in a relationship? Or immovable and impossible framework conditions such as different places of residence, time options or whatever, make it very difficult to indulge in these feelings? Yes, sometimes it is decidedly wiser to let a passion burn out.
Does passion become love?
We want to believe that when an enormous passionate intoxication lifts us up and dissolves us, makes us so pulsatingly alive, then that is love, yes, it must be a really great love. We dream and project. We are usually right "off the track" and find it very nice there.
Yes, of course, passion is a sensational opportunity to get to know someone with skin and hair and all of your senses.
Yes, love can grow out of it, maybe the basis for such a passion is often a kind of love. But it doesn't have to. Today I know: Yes, it can be.
But sometimes it's exactly what it can be, namely passion, attraction, chemistry. Without love. A striking picture of this: Passion is like a bright flame, big, crackling, that blazes with a lot of air. Will there be a lasting glow like love left? One that we want to bring to the blaze again and again with attention and dedication?
What makes a love relationship possible
... are often similarities in values, the vision or desires of living together, of humor, the attitude to life or even of life habits, mixed with different, sometimes challenging character strengths and the joy of dealing with the other person. The desire to live close to the other, whether physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually or whatever.
That and more are a framework that can unfold in many other colorful ways. It is especially nice when we perceive, thematize or design a lot of this, when we blossom in the intoxication of passion.
Does it always need passion so that love can arise?
Passion, enthusiasm and lust are topics that concern many of us. How nice that there is no one-size-fits-all recipe here either. However, many believe - perhaps because this is so often suggested in almost all films and books - at the beginning of getting to know each other, but at least then, if it is to come to a love relationship, it needs a passionate intoxication. However, it doesn't always need to be the same, just a certain amount of sympathy.
Like, for example, the one couple who have been mostly happy for many years and who didn't like each other straight away when they got to know each other. He was "terribly arrogant" - had hidden his uncertainty and only later had the courage to show himself. Many people have experienced that it doesn't always have to be love at first sight. Sometimes love arises from long-term colleagues, in the neighborhood or even a good friendship. Take a look or listen around - what about "touched a thousand times, nothing happened a thousand times ... and then it zoomed in?"
Expectations of passion kill opportunities for love to develop
Today the expectations “to know immediately or to feel” whether the other person can be a potential pleasure or love partner are very widespread. Many really expect "love at first sight". That certainly has to do with the seemingly endless possibilities of online data. The radius in which we can search has also become much larger.
Many see and believe that they know that if something doesn't jump into us right away, we move on. This approach doesn't necessarily make it any easier or happier.
Is the love over when the passion goes?
Too often we think that when desire is no more, love is gone. Is that so? Really? Always? It comes, more often than we want, to mutual disenchantment and disappointment when this passionate high has subsided on its own after a while.
Of course, that doesn't have to be the case, maybe you are one of those people for whom attraction and lust for one another work all by themselves and well over many years. This is a very wonderful gift - or designed consciously by you and yourself. Yes, you read that right, passionate lust can also be shaped.
No, of course love is not over - passion can be revived
Lust and passion are not things that simply exist by themselves. If so, you might be doing a lot right unconsciously - congratulations! Various factors are required, such as conscious time together, togetherness without stressful everyday conversations, opportunities for new experiences together, the mutual desire to strengthen, lovingly challenge and encourage the other.
But also conscious decisions to enjoy your own sensuality again and also to want to feel the other person well. Of course there are always situations in life in which completely different things are more important. But if we want, we can always open up new scope for pleasure and successful, passionate sexuality.
About the author:
Nicole Siller offers psychological counseling, sexual counseling and systemic coaching. She is the author of “Find your lust!” - the practical book for female sexuality.
Every last Thursday of the month there is an open evening (REGISTRATION!) On the topic of "Women's talks about sex and sensuality" in your practice from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm. Everything about this as well as information about individual advice, about her blog and courses can be found at lebich.at ..
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