Why are narcissists so opportunistic

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: The Narcissist as a Grandiose Self

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissists are people who usually have great charisma and are great on the outside. With this talent they impress other people and cast a spell over them. At the same time, however, the narcissist is hardly capable of criticism due to his low self-esteem and reacts very sensitively if something goes wrong in his life.



Self-worth is restored through "punishment"

Narcissists consider themselves infallible and believe they are always doing everything right. However, if the partner, colleague, friend or family member discovers a mistake, then the narcissist's self-worth collapses. Any criticism or questioning of his person will then be assessed as a massive attack or serious offense. In order to restore self-worth, the discoverer must be punished. Accordingly, the narcissist reacts in a way that is difficult to understand for outsiders or people close to him. The strategies range from extreme aggression, injury and devaluation to unlimited depression to manipulative and destructive psychological games.


The narcissist and partnership

The narcissist prefers to choose an adjusted partner whose self-esteem is low and who is easily dazzled by the narcissist's charm. Because a weak partner is easier to make dependent and is also easier to direct. The narcissist needs a counterpart whom he can shine with, who adores and admires him, but never questions him. As long as the partner fulfills all of this, the narcissist feels great and safe - then he is a good partner too.


But if he has the feeling that the partner could discover that he is not so perfect after all, that he has made a mistake or taken actions that are not right, then there is no more fun and punishment. He becomes aggressive towards his partner, tries to make him even more dependent, uses him wherever possible, enslaves him, devalues ​​him, makes him responsible for everything, etc.


The narcissist's tactics are varied and extremely destructive to the partner. If the narcissist does not gain insight, the partner should consider separation in order to preserve their own mental and, subsequently, physical health.


The narcissist in professional life

Narcissists are often found in positions of power. A management position is of course best suited for this. However, since the narcissist has glaring deficits in terms of social skills, he is usually an extremely difficult superior. Although he is usually charming and courteous on the outside, employees are only a means to an end for him to achieve his own goals. He demands perfection, exercises strong control, devalues, is opportunistic and a master of intrigue - to name just a few of his behaviors.


Narcissism in family and friends

Narcissism is not only destructive in relationships and at work. Narcissistic personalities are also a great burden for loved ones in family and friends. While you can choose and end friendships yourself, this option is not available to children of narcissistic parents. Narcissistic parents want the perfect family, the perfectly functioning child. The development of the child's self-esteem and individuality are not supported. If the child does not come to terms with these childhood experiences, there is a risk that they will either become a narcissist themselves or find themselves in manipulative and dependent relationships in adulthood - be it fanatical societies or destructive partnerships.


Therapeutic options

Narcissism is curable. The prerequisite for this is that the person concerned realizes that he has a problem and needs external support. He has to recognize that the offense felt has primarily to do with himself and that his behavior is simply not meaningful, inappropriate and hurtful.


On the way to healing he has to learn to accept that he too is not perfect and perfect. This opens up a way for him to deal differently with people around him. He too can make mistakes and he too can be embarrassed.


The narcissist has to get back into feeling and talking to himself. If he perceives how he acts and - without judging himself - finds a positive way for himself, he can very well get out of this destructive behavior and become free again.