Which is the first message

Write the first message: 6 tips, 7 mistakes & what to do next

Have you discovered an interesting member, perhaps already exchanged a like or a smiley? How nice! What your counterpart says in the "I about myself" area exactly matches your interests and your sense of humor? Then take the chance and right away send a personal first message.
Are you afraid of writer's block? No problem, we are happy to help and have collected some tips for getting in touch with you:


6 tips on how to compose a successful first message

1. Formulate a personal message

Every message you send to other members at LemonSwan should include a personal note to have. Take the time and draw attention to something in common in the online profile - maybe you have similar hobbies or speak the same foreign language. Points of contact also make it easier for the other person to answer. Ask interested questions about some of the answers in the profile: “How often do you sail?” Or “The trip to the south of France sounds great, how did you travel around there?”. Everyone likes open questions!

2. Arouse curiosity

Just like in a personal encounter, the first impression forms the basis for further contact. Of course, it is allowed and encouraged to do a bit of advertising for yourself in the first message. Be careful not to overdo it. The opposite is also not recommended: serving your own quirks on a silver platter. Choose the happy medium: Share a few things about yourself that arouse the potential partner's curiosity.

3. Remain discreet

Especially at the beginning you should refrain from overly spicy questions. Conversely, of course, you don't have to answer every question from other members. Page long messages right at the beginning of getting to know each other can be daunting to other partner seekers Act.
Under certain circumstances, the addressee then feels pressured to write just as much - and therefore leaves it entirely. Short messagesare to contact us idealsuitable.

4. Always stay positive

A happy, humorous text has a far higher chance of a reply than a serious or dry message. Did something funny or embarrassing happen to you today? Isn't it great, one little anecdote in the first message cares for loosening up.
Perhaps something similar has already happened to your counterpart. Either way, you show that you can laugh at yourself and take things with humor.

5. Keep the shape

A nice salutation, correct spelling, a nice word at the end - sounds fussy, but for many members it is very important that cover letters do not appear “smeared”. So if you don't like spelling, go to the trouble and type the message in an auto-correct program.

6. Make sure you have a sure instinct

At the beginning of your introductory phase, only the written word counts. You have to slowly approach each other about your personal way of communicating, because a lot can be misinterpreted, especially at the beginning. After all, gestures and facial expressions are difficult to recognize through your messages.
Short messages and patience are required here. Stay calm when you wait for an answer and don't post another message straight away.

These 7 mistakes should be avoided in your first message

1. Stay away from standard mail

Of course, it's okay if you have a rough draft for initial letters to interesting members of your community - you don't have to reinvent the wheel with every message. Make sure, however, that your messages always have a personal touch. News like

"Hello strangers, your profile speaks to me. Looking forward to hear from you"

seem unsympathetic and do not increase your chances. Even earlier, perhaps promising flirtation lines from the eighties such as

"I've lost my phone number - can I borrow yours?"

rather do not lead to success. Consider it: Would you respond to a standard email that appears to have been sent to 50 other members? - Probably not.

2. Write novels? D rather not!

Your message should arouse curiosity with a few, well-chosen information - not overwhelming or boring. After all, the spice lies in brevity, and this also applies to online partner searches. So keep your first message keeping a long story short and wait. Do you also go into the other person's profile, maybe your counterpart likes classical music? Then ask if he or she was recently at the opera.

3. No raids

All too clumsy questions about starting a family, or the confrontation with very concrete visions of the future in the first cover letter like

 “I would like to move into a little house in the country. How about you? ",

put off most people - even if the other person actually shares your wishes. First of all, see if the chemistry between you is right. Then you can always put the cards or your ideas on the table.

4. Stay authentic - Dealing with foreign words

Do it subtly, mentioning, for example, your recent visit to an exquisite exhibition. Choose elegant transitions in your message or sprinkle a funny association. Sometimes we may think we only have this one chance and we just have to make an impression on the devil. But take yourself rather timeInstead of shooting your powder right away: Your counterpartbecomes no later than atYour first Meetings notice that you are an eloquent, well-read conversation partner.

5. Don't convey negativity

Maybe you have been looking for a partner for a while and sometimes you are a little disaffected:

"I probably won't hear anything from you anyway", "I hope you will finally be someone who answers",

and so on, however, can be rather daunting. Make it possible for you to meet at eye level - and don't make yourself small. The opposite is also not very attractive to most singles:

"I prefer to stroll around in my airy loft"

6. Cheap & obscene pick-ups

Nobody wants something like that who is on a serious partner search. Do you really believe that something like that will go down well with your counterpart? This also applies to all those cheesy flirting lines that you have heard before. If you find a profile really appealing and interesting, then you should write an individual message with serious intent.

7. I-messages

When you send your first message, make sure that you don't just talk about yourself. Of course, you are welcome to briefly tell something about yourself, but do not hold a monologue about yourself, rather include a few questions instead.

“In my free time I do a lot of sport, I enjoy cooking and reading. I work a lot and I like to work and would consider myself an active person. My career is very important to me and my friends come right after it. If you find me interesting, please write to me. "

Women never take the first step to get in touch?

You're wrong. The times of classic role allocation have long been passé. Confident and determination is asked. LemonSwan wanted to know how women take the first step in online dating. Women could use up to 3 options. The majority of women seek contact by using one short message write, or a smilesend.

Often there is also a "Like" sent, which can refer to various properties. Maybe still a little shy, but the determination to take the first step has become a matter of course for women too. At the Online datingIf this is shown clearly, there are partly different customs than in "the wild" - luckily! In theOnline dating It happens more often than usual that the initiative comes from the woman - which, by the way, many men find very attractive.

Write to women: this is how you write a great first message!

How do women want to be written to? It's easier than you think!

1. Write in the early evening

So you can be sure that your queen of hearts will not disturb your message
and will read it in a timely manner and hopefully you will reply sooner.

2. Find the right topics

What does your profile reveal? Any abnormalities that you find particularly interesting? Grab exactly that, because individual messages are positively received by women. Nothing is worse than the classic copy + paste, so you will appreciate it and will surely answer you soon.

3. Tell something about yourself

No, not a novel - but we have already explained above that this is a no-go! What could your queen of hearts be interested in? Special hobbies, interests & Co. are a good start for a first message and make it easier to start a conversation.

4. Open questions

If you ask a closed question right at the start, you make life difficult for yourself. Make sure to formulate questions in such a way that your queen of hearts can answer them well. Open questions are much more pleasant for both sides and get your chat rolling.

“Hey Lina, I was jogging with my dog, I had to take advantage of the wonderful weather. How do you spend your sunny evening after work? ".

Tip: Not only women want to be contacted like this, men also prefer short, individual messages. If you are writing to a man, pay attention to the tips above!

You have taken the first step - what's next?

Has the start been successful and the first contact promising? After a few nice messages, the question inevitably arises: how do we proceed? Do we dare to make a phone call or do we stick to the news until the first date?

1. Stay tuned

Take courage if you don't get any replies to the first few messages. Perhaps you have written to members who are already in close contact with another person and do not want to meet at the same time. So no reason to throw the gun in the grain.

2. Change search profile

Too few partner suggestions? Why don't you expand your search settings?. Maybe you dare to approach younger men? But don't forget: You will only be shown to younger members if they have actively requested it.

3. Be relaxed

He is interested and you are busy writing back and forth? Great. Then lean back in between and let him take the initiative. Don't pushbut let him ask for a date, for example. Many men appreciate having time to develop an interest.

4. News - the best solution for those who are shy of the phone

Some members it is easier to express yourself in writing, as straight away talking on the phone. It is better to only pick up the phone if you get on really well with your online contact and if you feel confident in dealing with the other due to the previous messages.

5. The first phone call: exciting, but mostly straightforward

Perhaps before the first conversation you think about it: What if we have nothing to say to each other? Or constantly interrupting each other? Such worries are usually unfounded. A phone call can help reduce the excitement before the first date. You get to know the voice of the other person and you can get a better picture of each other. Members who have little experience with online dating gain security by making a phone call.