You should trust people who hate loneliness

3 tips to deal with the fear of being alone

Humans are social beings. We need the group, the exchange and the reactions of our fellow human beings to what we do, say and to the fact that we are plain are. We want to be noticed by others and, at best, have positive relationships in which we are liked and loved. Fear of being alone can arise because we do not experience this closeness and affection from other people directly. But being alone can enrich life. With the help of our 3 tips you can learn it!

Away with fear

Fear is a very strong feeling that should actually lead us to protect ourselves. When fear is involved, we can often no longer think clearly and just try to get rid of this feeling and feel safe again. Not only do we wish that the fear would pass, but we also secretly hope that it would not return. Why does it keep appearing anyway?

Fears are helpful

It is important to know that fear is one of our basic feelings. Fear in certain situations, including the fear of being alone, is not only normal, but necessary and inherent in us humans. However, there are different forms of fear of being alone. For example, the exaggerated form, with the technical term autophobia. Not being able to be alone limits life extremely and that is an important point of reference. As soon as you suffer from the fear of being alone, it restricts you in your everyday life or affects your relationships, it may be time to actively change something.

The fear of being alone as a stepping stone

We can use any problem we have as a kind of engine for our personal development. Think about what would change if being alone no longer worries you: You no longer have to plan how to get around being alone, you can wish your partner a nice evening if he or she is still spontaneous assuming that you could go on vacation alone, etc. In other words: You would be more independent, you would perhaps strengthen your self-confidence and your relationship qualities could also improve. The following 3 tips can help you deal better with the fear of being alone:

1 Strengthen inner bond

If you fear being alone, it suggests that you are likely to be around people most of the time. People you know, who like or even love you. Maybe you would like to have these people with you around the clock. However, this is neither possible nor good for relationships. But how do you achieve a healthy distance?

We can only tolerate being physically separated from others if we don't lose the feeling of connectedness and belonging.

That, in turn, requires trust. Whether you are physically with other people or they are further away from you, you cannot change anything about their affection and thus also cannot lose them. Trust therefore also means perceiving your own desire for control and letting go again and again. It has nothing to do with constant reassurance, affirmation, or presence whether or not someone cares about you - trust it.

To remind yourself of the idea of ​​trust - especially in solitary situations - you can combine a simple mantra with the breath. Think of the word "trust" as you breathe in and "letting go" as you breathe out.

2 Make friends with the fear of being alone

Perhaps you have already had the experience in everyday life: When you fight something, it becomes stronger. This is also the case if you want to get rid of your fearful thoughts: the more you try to avoid your fear, the more intensely you will feel it. Accepting or even welcoming uncomfortable feelings can be difficult. Because we fear that fear could overwhelm us if we let it. But the opposite is the case: if you view the fear of being alone as a friend, it can cause you fewer and fewer problems over time.

It works best when you actually do something symbolic outside to “invite” the fear. For example, if you are afraid of lying in bed alone in the evening, you can mentally put the fear next to you. To do this, maybe fold the covers up and down again. Imagine your friend's fear is now lying next to you and whoops! you are no longer alone at all. You can also pour a glass of water or make tea, your imagination knows no bounds.

If you treat the fear as a guest, you will feel much more comfortable in its presence and you have turned the supposed "poison" into a cure. Try it!

You read that right: Being alone helps against the fear of being alone. There are several reasons for this. On the one hand, you have to feel the fear in order not to avoid it any longer and to be able to apply the tips mentioned above. On the other hand, you will experience that the fear becomes less when you experience it. This may sound strange at first, but it's actually true: every time you manage to endure the fear, the next time it becomes a little less and at some point it disappears completely. Every feeling changes, but to experience that you have to put yourself in situations where you feel the corresponding feelings.

The good news: This step of overcoming alone means a lot more self-determination. So you are already on the right track the next time you get scared.

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Categories Anxiety & PanicTags Overcoming fear, coping with fear, self-determination, independence