How can I deal with my disrespectful girlfriend
What to do if the partner loses respect
When the partner loses respect: criticism, insults, cynicism ... Disrespect in the partnership has many faces. We'll show you how you can tell that your friend has lost respect for you. We also take a look at possible causes. You will then receive eight tips that can help you regain your partner's respect.
About wet bath mats and worries about money
Julia and Tim have been a couple for five years. At first the relationship was great: the very big love. After almost two years they moved in together and got married. In the meantime, everyday life has returned. There is not much left of declarations of love and small gifts.
„For example, if I forget to put the bath mat up after taking a shower, he yells at me. I know that annoys him."Julia looks desperate:"In my part-time job, I have a problem with a colleague. I'd like to talk about that. But I just can't let myself go with my husband. He knows everything better anyway. And all of that bothers me about my husband.“
At parties with friends, Tim hardly lets Julia have a say. He interrupts her when she talks about her job. Or he rolls his eyes at her stories ... He has apparently completely lost respect for his wife. How could this happen?
Attempts to explain:
When a relationship turns into a Power struggle degenerates, there is often something else behind it. The dispute escalates with a wet bath mat. In reality, it may be about money concerns. Maybe Tim feels overwhelmed with his responsibilities. Apparently he is mainly responsible for the common income. She works part time. Maybe he annoys that she is "laments“Although she works a lot less than he does.
Does Julia have her own circle of friends? Obviously not. She cannot discuss her worries with Tim. He interrupts her when she is with mutual friends. She seems to have given up her independence for him and their relationship.
Many possible problems emerge here: dependency, lack of independence, no communication in the relationship ... If the two want to bring respect back into their relationship, a few things can change. But one after anonther.
When the partner loses respect - 6 signs
This process is mostly gradual. Maybe your boyfriend is no longer listening to you properly. Or he won't let you have your say in conversations. Doesn't he wait until you have given an answer and fill in the spaces himself? That could be a sign of a lack of respect.
In a partnership at eye level, women and men should treat each other with respect and appreciation. Disrespect and humiliation destroy closeness, intimacy and eventually love. After all, how can someone love you who apparently disregards, respects and appreciates you?
Examples of disrespectful behavior:
You can't please your friend. Nothing you do is good enough. He criticizes the food, the condition of the apartment, your clothes, your weight ...
Your partner knows everything better. It makes you feel incapable in certain areas. He's quick to criticize your approach: he nags you and never seems to be satisfied. However, he does not take on the tasks himself.
Instead of thinking with you about what to eat in the evening or where to go on vacation, he decides on his own. He presents you with a fait accompli.
Exaggerated generalizations like "You never do"Or"Always / constantly / constantly you do ...“Are also witnesses of a lack of respect. Such allegations have a resentful effect and are anything but constructive in a dispute.
„You're acting like a complete idiot!“Is probably one of the more harmless insults. Important in a relationship Insult should not occur.
Here, too, the development is often creeping. Maybe your friend grabs you roughly by the arm in an argument in the heat of the moment. The next time he flies, he may corner you. At some point in the worst case scenario, a freak will end up beating you. All of this usually starts with verbal violence.
Why is your boyfriend disrespecting you?
Power struggles between you and your partner point in most cases - just like with Julia and Tim - to a deeper problem in the partnership. If the man by your side becomes abusive and humiliates you in your home or even in public, he will devalue you. At the same time, it polishes up his self-esteem.
What could be behind it? What problems are there in your relationship that may have remained unsolved and are now overshadowing the partnership?
Disrespect creates distance. You probably live in constant fear of his next outburst. You may feel that you are doing everything you can to make your partner happy and to please them. This makes you small. Your own trouble you swallow wordlessly. Just don't provoke a freak out.
To be silent for the sake of peace, however, is not a good idea. This may make the situation worse, because it will keep you sinking in his respect.
To have respect for another person means to respect boundaries. If you don't show your limits, your partner will likely appear even more disrespectful to you.
You should try to think about yourself. After all, you probably entered into a relationship with this man because you truly loved him. You wanted to share your life with someone very special. If Nagging, arguments and disrespect shape your everyday life, there will probably come a moment when you can no longer stand it.
At some point, the gap between you may no longer be bridged. And then separation is probably the only option.
So that it doesn't get that far, we have put together eight tips for respectful behavior for you and your partner. They can help you bring your relationship back to a positive level.
When the partner loses respect - 8 tips for respectful behavior
Give and take can be roughly balanced in a relationship. How you meet your partner in everyday life has an impact on your relationship. It depends on whether you actually grow old together.
It is important that you perceive yourself as independent personalities: with independent thinking, feeling and your own needs. You show this to each other through your own jobs, your own hobbies, your own groups of friends and by expressing your own opinion. Even or especially if you are not of the same opinion.
1. Pay attention and demand
If your loved one tells you something, you give him yours undivided attention? Perhaps you interrupt your activity and turn to him? He should do the same to you.
You treat each other with respect when you look at each other and comment on what has been said. With this you show your appreciation and appreciation. Good conversations create closeness and familiarity. You stay in touch with each other.
2. Discuss everyday concerns and ask for the opinion of your relationship partner
Even if you live together, you will likely spend some of your time apart from each other. For most couples this is the case for professional reasons: You probably have different jobs, different bosses, colleagues and thus a life beyond the partnership.
It shows respect, interest and appreciation when you talk about your everyday life. What happened at work? What made you happy, surprised, annoyed? What problems did you face? Maybe there are worries or decisions to be made. Talk to each other and let yourself be part of it.
Relationship partners who respect and respect each other want to know the opinion of their partner. It's about the exchange. Not advice. Sharing is what really matters. You may report that you felt you were treated unfairly by your boss.
Your partner should listen to you and take sides for you. This is balm for the soul and strengthens your relationship. Because you feel understood. You might just want to tell, vent and Let off some steam. Does your partner present a solution right away? Make him aware that you want to solve your problems yourself. Tell him that you need his open ear to feel understood.
3. Encounter one another with empathy and acceptance
You see certain things differently from your friend. This is completely normal. You are and remain two different people. It is a sign of respect when you agree with each other with your attitudes, opinions and preferences "leave" can. That means: you accept that your worldview can differ from one another.
Differences can arise in small, everyday things, but also in large ones: eating habits, raising children, political views, religious attitudes ... In partnerships, there is seldom complete agreement on all points.
Perhaps you have different tastes in music and different leisure needs than him. Even if he doesn't think much of your favorite bands and thinks knitting is a waste of time: He shouldn't belittle and criticize you for it. You can do the other way around show understandingwhen he tinkers with his car or motorcycle on the weekend.
4. Keep appointments and agreements
Reliability creates trust in a partnership. Have you made an appointment? Then you should both stick to it. It is a sign of respect not to keep the other person waiting or moving.
Are you unable to come to a meeting or not in time? Let me know as soon as possible, explain the situation and apologize.
5. Be honest
(Distress) Lies, excuses, untruths ... All of this is poison for your relationship. It is a sign of trust and closeness when you are honest with one another. That may not always be easy to bear. But you know for what you are at. What do you prefer? That your boyfriend admits his wet and happy evening with his buddies or that he gives you an excuse?
Moreover, if you lie, you lose the one at some point Self-respect.
6. Apologize and forgive
In partnerships, arguments and mutual injuries are inevitable. Love partners know all sore points. In violent verbal arguments you or your friend may be going too far. Do you feel sorry for what I said in retrospect? Apologize for your disrespectful words and ask for forgiveness.
The important thing is not to be resentful. What has happened cannot be turned back. Therefore, it should burden your relationship as little as possible.
Just do better next time. If you realize that an argument is about to escalate, stop the conversation. Time-out. Everyone goes into a corner or takes a short walk. After half an hour you have had time to think. After that, you will probably meet each other a lot more empathic, calm and level-headed.
7. Allow the other person a life of their own
Without jealously checking your cell phone, e-mails or mail. Respecting one another means allowing yourself a life of your own. Do not neglect your own hobbies and interests. You should also cultivate friendships independently of one another.
8. Do not confuse security and solidarity with self-evident
„thanks" and "You're welcome“Are more than just empty phrases. They show that it is not a matter of course that you give him coffee and breakfast in the morning. With this little word he shows that he is aware of and appreciates what you are doing for him. The same applies to you: If he makes the beds every day, takes out the rubbish or walks with the dog, he feels appreciated by your loving words.
Conclusion: when the partner loses respect
When your partner has lost respect for you, it is time for a clarifying conversation. And for changes. Regardless of this, try to boost your self-esteem: Visit your friends. Go to your parents. Start a new hobby or volunteer.
Everything to you positive feedback gives you, makes you stronger again and helps you deal with the situation.
If you pull the ripcord in time, you can turn things around and bring respectful interaction back into your relationship.
We hope that our tips will help you to lead a balanced partnership - full of love and respect.
About the author
Darius Kamadeva - Relationship Expert
Darius Kamadeva is a bestselling author and the leading relationship and dating coach in Germany - especially for women. On his YouTube channel with more than 90,000 subscribers, he helps women with more than 10 years of experience to develop a happy relationship with themselves and with others. His work of accompanying women on their way to become heroines in their lives is known from TV, radio and YouTube. He offers online courses, retreats, seminars, live events, personal coaching and video content that bring women to the love of their lives.
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