What is self-learning or self-knowledge

The search for ourselves - self-discovery & self-knowledge

An important prerequisite for loving ourselves and being in our midst is that we first get to know ourselves and find ourselves. The problem with searching for ourselves is that most of the time they are looking in the wrong place, outside rather than within themselves. Not just an “addict” is looking, to a certain extent we are all and in the end it is always the search for ourselves. What are we looking for? It can be:

  • Relaxation
  • affection
  • time
  • Quiet
  • love
  • security
  • Proximity
  • security
  • peace
  • Fulfillment
  • joy
  • luck
  • Self-knowledge
  • spirituality
  • growth
  • Further development
  • etc

Instead of bearing the responsibility for what we are looking for ourselves, we unfortunately very often pass it on to others. Most of the time this happens unconsciously and out of habit, because many people have not even learned to take the rest and time to go inside and perceive what you actually need and want. The other should make us happy, the other should love us, the other should give us rest, relaxation and peace. But only when we have learned to give ourselves all these things, to relax alone, to love ourselves, to be close to ourselves, to find security and security in ourselves, to be happy and content out of ourselves , we are really free inside and able to enter into honest & truthful encounters with others, free from dependencies, free from manipulation, expectations and control. We no longer “need” the other person because we know that we can give ourselves everything on our own.

In our “search”, we unfortunately tend to use escape mechanisms. These are also very diverse, it can be the flight into a relationship because you want to be alone and avoid confrontation with yourself, flight into work, shopping addiction, sacrifice / co-dependency, food, drugs, gambling addiction. Unfortunately, we only get very short satisfaction and fulfillment here and since the escape behavior, no matter in which form we exercise it, weakens us both physically, mentally and energetically, a vicious circle of "addiction" quickly arises. The weaker we are, the more we distance ourselves from ourselves and the more we fall into the feeling of need and the feeling of “needing” something or someone and all escape and distraction alternatives, including alcohol and drugs, have an easy time of it. The escape mechanisms do not have to be pathological in nature, they can also take place on a small scale and they are also allowed to be conscious and healthy. In general, we do not find ourselves and what we need and want through escape mechanisms, on the contrary, we run away from ourselves and the responsibility for ourselves and our actual needs.

One ends the vicious circle in which one begins to take responsibility, recognizing one's projections, for example, the desire for contact and closeness with others can often also be a desire for contact and closeness with oneself, with oneself, with one's center or with the inner child . In the best case, you try to get closer to yourself first, everyone will have their own way, one withdraws, the other paints a picture, the other does sport or whatever is on his mind to get in touch with yourself again. It is always easy and convenient to pass the blame and responsibility on to the other, but you don't get very far with that, except that you make yourself unhappy and at some point you have to find out that you can only change yourself and not the others. “Sacrificing yourself” for others or dealing with their problems can also be an escape and distraction mechanism. We distract from our own problems or from taking responsibility for our own needs and ourselves. We want our own learning process, so we should let the other person do it as they see fit and not as we would like it to be. Only when we have internalized this can “real” help for others take place, in accordance with our own needs.


How can we find out more about ourselves, about our character, about our strengths and weaknesses and where we are with ourselves right now and at which points we can possibly still work on ourselves?
The law of reflection and the law of attraction can be good pointers and aids here and are therefore explained in more detail below.

Law of reflection

Every single person, situation or circumstance in our life reflects our deepest inner being. If you have decided, analogous to the inner child and the true self, for growth and spiritual development, then the law of reflection can be used very well as an aid for the learning process. To do this, you first have to understand how it works.

We easily notice weaknesses and mistakes in others, and we like to turn a blind eye to our own. Why do we notice certain weaknesses in other people? Why does something about a person bother me, but what my friends do not seem to bother about that person? What does that have to do with me?

Our soul, whose aim is for us to develop, often attracts people who make it very clear to us which points we still have to work on. Particularly relevant are people, situations or things that affect or excite us emotionally. If we are "neutral" towards a person or situation, then it probably has nothing to do with us or does not act as a mirror.

An example to illustrate:

In a discussion round there is one participant who has the floor. He does not let others finish speaking and hardly have a say.
You can now react to it in different ways:

  1. They register it, but don't get upset about it.
  2. You enter into a duel with him, try to interrupt him, and leave after
    Discuss insults about him or criticize him directly.
  3. You feel completely cornered, you don't dare to say anything anymore and you are
    pissed off because you never get your point across and get your way.

Regardless of the fact that this behavior or weakness (in the above example: excessive striving for validity, better knowledge, etc.) is not an advantage, with the law of reflection, initially only the information that you can get about yourself through it counts. With convictions you block your own learning process (see also section below Judging vs. Convicting). If you react “neutrally” as in the first case, this weakness has little to do with you. In the second case it becomes very clear that you are dealing with similar problems. Here you can see the reflection in the mirror. If you recognize yourself more easily in the third reaction, then the opposite weakness will be mirrored to you. In this example, it is a lack of courage to speak up or a lack of self-confidence.

It can therefore reflect the same behavior, or it can be the opposite!

The people in this "play" are completely interchangeable; it can be the best friend, someone stranger or even the partner. The only decisive factor is your reaction to the respective behavior or the respective situation. Sometimes the mirror doesn't work very directly and clearly. For example, a supplier gets upset about constantly dealing with dishonest customers or suppliers. Obviously he does not “lie” to anyone himself, but he employs illegal workers and is therefore not honest with the state. In this way, the law of mirrors can also tell us something. You may also be annoyed that one person does not contact you so much. In accordance with the mirror law, check whether your expectations are set too high and whether you are even living up to them yourself. Always try to be a good role model and do it better than others.

Our own behavior towards other people also always reflects how we treat ourselves. So if we notice something in our environment or in people in a positive or negative way, it is always an indication that it has something to do with ourselves in some form.

The law of mirrors goes further and deeper. Even things that stand out to us or even our pets and their ailments can tell a lot about ourselves. Likewise, the behavior of our children usually has something to do with ourselves. Here, too, before we start scolding, we must first consider what information we receive about ourselves from the behavior. For example, children who do not want to hear could mirror different things to them:

  • You may be setting too few or no limits
  • Perhaps you don't take yourself too seriously either
  • Or your children symbolically reflect with this behavior,
    that you are not listening to your inner voice, needs, or impulses

With the help of your inner inspiration and intuition, try to understand the sometimes not quite direct "symbolic language" of the law of mirrors. Water, e.g. in the form of a burst pipe, is often associated with feelings, fire can have something to do with anger, etc.

For example, you often run into a blind person "by accident" on one day. You mean it has nothing to do with you? According to the law of attraction (see below), the soul gives us symbolic signs that you reflect yourself or give you clues. In relation to the blind: What do you not want to see, where are you not looking or something similar ???

You notice several accidents in one day. Think about where you may be inattentive or where you could be in danger. Get to know the symbolic language, because diseases also work on this level. There are many relevant and informative books on this. If you listen inward attentively and carefully, your intuition will help you correctly interpret the symbols and signs.

Illnesses symbolically reflect beliefs of the false self that have been cherished long enough to begin to manifest in the body. Examples: cystitis - symptoms - frequent urination, symbolically transmitted: what do you not want to let go of? (Often it is the partner, but it can also be another "wrong" behavior, eg perfectionism etc.), tinnitus - symptom whistling in the ear, symbolically transmitted: You do not really listen to your deepest inner voice and act not afterwards either, kidney stones - symbolically transferred: long-cherished anger and resentment manifest themselves in stones and reflect their stubborn behavior, because we also have to learn to forgive. With a lot of work on yourself and the resolution of the wrong beliefs and behavior, you can remove the breeding ground for your illnesses. Of course, this information is not intended to replace conventional medical treatment, but merely to supplement it.

According to the law of attraction, every person, every situation or every circumstance has been drawn into one's life. It is important that you take personal responsibility for the things in your life, because on a spiritual level you have attracted everything yourself. Unfortunately, these are often things that you consciously do not want, but which provoke changes in us on a deeper emotional level that would otherwise not take place. These processes should not be about guilt, but about school (life school), growth, learning and further development. The human soul always strives to bring us the greatest possible growth, unfortunately sometimes this is connected with difficult and painful experiences and processes. So before we complain about other people or a certain situation, we should consider why and how we put them on, see what we can learn from it and change, and then finally sweep our own front door before we blame others for it.

Reaction to the behavior of others - (mirror for own beliefs and behavior patterns)

On the one hand, others reflect our own mistakes and weaknesses and we can learn a lot about ourselves, on the other hand, our reaction to the behavior of others says a lot about whether we run into false beliefs of the ego (false self) or the inspiration of ours follow true self.
The false self relates everything to itself, evaluates and takes everything personally. The true self accepts, understands, sees, even feels with, always remains free of judgment and judgment and in love. The long-term goal is to find a healthy middle ground between these two instances in us and to get closer and closer to our true self and to work up and dissolve old and unfavorable beliefs.
It is important on the path to the school of life that you really internalize that we always have a free decision of our own as to how we react to the behavior of others. Basically, someone can only hurt us if we decide to repeat old pain from childhood or the past, because the behavior of the other person has its own causes and actually has nothing to do with us, because he ultimately only repeats old "films" and beliefs or just had a bad day.

Our false selves are very self-centered and narrow-minded and it inhibits our psychological development. It tells and instills into us that the behavior of the other definitely has something to do with ourselves, and thus the false self is spreading a big lie, one of many others, because the false self always lies. Everyone carries the actual inner truth in the form of the true or higher self. The false self is usually so dominant and “loud” that we can often no longer hear the inner voice and truth. There is always an explanation for the behavior of the other, it is important that you learn, no matter how someone behaves, to always stay with yourself (without running into a wrongly learned ego belief pattern). If you manage to implement this over time, the behavior of others can no longer really hurt you. If it is a close person, you could even catch the “bad” behavior of the other person by, for example, just hugging the person and asking what is going on and what made you so angry. This person will very likely pour out their heartfelt gratitude to you and may even apologize for their behavior on their own.

If the behavior of others causes old pain in us, we can ask that person to behave differently, but we cannot wait. Always change yourself first, often the person you are talking to also changes with it.

We should primarily work on our false beliefs, weaknesses and our self-love, because then our counterpart will also reflect a different behavior, since we send out something different and thus also attract something different. Sometimes dealing with one's own internal sore points and weaknesses simply changes the assessment of behavior
of the other person and things that have hurt you before are suddenly "neutral" and have nothing to do with ourselves, because we have dealt with the relevant topic.

The power over ourselves

Very often in everyday life we ​​hand over power over ourselves to others. As already explained above, we allow others to determine our feelings and thus control our behavior. Likewise, we often give our false selves with all their beliefs the power and control over us and the fine, often quiet voice of the true self and our intuition is nipped in the bud. It is important on the path to self-discovery that we learn to have power over ourselves and to be and above all to remain in our own strength. Any power games on the outside no longer affect us if we consistently remain true to ourselves and learn to follow our true selves and our inner voice.

Useful examples:

Someone improperly talked badly of you. If your mind is now permanently preoccupied with doubting yourself, you are giving this person power over you instead of staying with yourself and seeing clearly that this person has acted wrongly in the sense of the true self and possibly also yourself objectively defends against it ..

They “wait” for the beloved to break up with their partner. In doing so, you are also giving this person happiness in your life. You should give these people clear decisions and if they do not make them in your favor, you should consistently get on with your own life.

If we allow our false selves, other people or situations to control us, we have given up our own power and with this we block our own happiness. We then no longer take ourselves seriously and cannot expect others to do the same.Many believe that they are listening to their inner voice or their true selves, but without noticing they fall into their false selves. To learn to differentiate the inner voice and the true self from the false self requires great practice, experience and as much knowledge as possible about these two instances in us, which can be acquired with appropriate literature (see article Self-love & corresponding book list) . It is not easy to accept one or the other truth of the true self, which is why some avoid dealing with it and unfortunately also prevent inner growth and further development. Therefore, in the following, a small explanation about accepting and not accepting and thus condemning.

Judge and Condemn - (Accept)

On the path of self-discovery and our own learning processes, it is helpful to learn the difference between judging and condemning. You can judge people, things or situations and accept them or you can judge them and thus not accept them. With condemnation we often lay our own stumbling blocks, block our own process and do neither the other nor ourselves any good.

To illustrate: The world consists of dualities (opposites) e.g. day / night, light / dark, love / hate, thick / thin, etc. The moment we say the night or the day is bad, we have condemned. Conversely, if we say the night or the day is easy and we recognize that there are both, then we are free to choose what is our path and what we prefer, but we are free from judgment. It is human to prefer something and to evaluate it, but we should learn to go a bit out of judgment, because the night would not be without the day, love would not be without hate, etc. How often do parents say to their children "Don't cry or don't be afraid". Sometimes both just want to be and in the moment in which we simply accept and acknowledge what is currently, inner blockages dissolve and we get closer to our true selves and can stay longer and more often in the states that we “prefer “And see it as worth striving for. The reason why many people are overwhelmed with their own feelings as well as with those of others is always due to the fact that the feelings are not really accepted and are often unconsciously condemned. It is precisely at this point that the actual emotional blockages up to depression (= suppressed feelings) arise. So take the liberty of expressing the feelings most condemned, such as fear, sadness, anger, etc. to accept and also to allow, they are part of it.

Judging (accepting) and judging (not accepting) can also be related to people and situations. An example: You are completely unexpectedly terminated from your job. You now have the opportunity to say neutrally that you do not find this circumstance pleasant, but acknowledge it and deal with it accordingly, or you can quarrel with it internally, curse it, blame yourself or others and condemn the whole situation and yourself with it even more harm. Whatever it is, just acknowledge it at first, you don't have to love it, but just take it for a given. Resistance, blockages and judgments only bring additional discomfort and bad feelings. Unfortunately, life is not a dream concert and difficult situations are part of it and often they have the greatest potential for growth and learning. Learn to accept your weaknesses without judging them and still work on them at the same time, that is not a contradiction, but rather the acceptance is a basic requirement in order to be able to constructively work on and resolve a weakness at all. Likewise, an addict will only be able to resolve his addiction if he has really accepted and accepted his addiction without judging himself for it. "Not accepting" means not wanting to see or resisting it and a judgment also inhibits through its derogatory character and both thus block healing and dissolution.

The Law of Attraction - (Like attracts like)

According to the law of attraction, you have attracted everything that is in your life yourself, partly consciously and most of it certainly unconsciously. The law of attraction always works whether you believe in it or not. So there are no coincidences, everything in life proceeds according to certain laws. The more you know about these principles and their connections, the better you can steer your life in the direction you would like it to be. The more "conscious" you are, the more likely you are to save yourself tedious detours or painful experiences.

If you imagine your thoughts and feelings like a magnet and a radio tower with which you send out certain frequencies, then exactly what you sent out will come back to you, according to the principle of like attracts like. This is where the many wrongly learned beliefs of the ego usually work. These mostly unconscious beliefs and the feelings that go with them are responsible for the fact that we pull things into our lives that we actually do not want to have. We also think a lot in negations and what we don't want, what we are afraid of, etc. This is exactly what we are pulling all of this into our lives, as we are paying all our attention to it. Energy always follows attention. Check your thoughts consciously more often and instead of worrying about what you don't want to have, feel, concentrate and think what and how you want it and try to get into this energy, as permanently as possible. This is certainly unusual and difficult at the beginning, but the more you practice, the easier it becomes and the greater the success.

If you follow the false ego belief that no one can understand you properly, you will attract people into your life who do not understand you.
If you think you need to serve others, you will attract people who need care.
If you believe deep down that you cannot trust others, then you will draw corresponding disappointing experiences into your life that confirm your wrong beliefs.

The law of mirrors and the law of attraction are very closely related. In terms of the spiritual learning process, for example, a person who can hardly say no or has difficulty setting limits may attract a person who crosses boundaries or who is perhaps even manipulative or dominant. Depending on their openness and awareness, there is an opportunity for both parties to learn something in such a situation. One can learn to better articulate and adhere to his limits and the other is given the opportunity to better preserve and respect the personality and the limits of the other. If both parties are stubborn and unreasonable and lose each other in accusations and condemnations, the learning process is made more difficult and both sides will experience similar situations in a similar way until an insight and change has taken place. The soul always works in the sense for our best good and will attract appropriate things until we have learned what we should learn. She endeavors to make us aware of our weaknesses / shadows and to give us the chance to resolve them, as we stand in the way of our own happiness with them.

Law of Attraction and Wish Fulfillment

The law of attraction is often sold as a law of wish fulfillment in the esoteric realm. A deep, sincere heart's desire certainly mobilizes the necessary energies and changes that are necessary for a wish to be fulfilled. But without working on ourselves, we will not permanently pull what we want into our lives. We all have certain learning tasks to master in our lives. It is primarily about getting to know and accepting us in our entirety. Hardly anybody likes to admit their "dark sides" and weaknesses. We begin to split off these parts of ourselves and finally get a mirror held up in front of us from the outside. We are asked to admit, accept and integrate our weaknesses and work through them step by step, because only in this way are we complete and whole. The sooner we tackle our “life tasks”, the faster we are internally free and content. You can resist, suppress or shirk yourself, but you will always step on the spot and the underlying bad attitude towards life and problems will not go away. The hermetic laws are used correctly, good aids and guides to recognize and cope with our tasks. In this way we can finally find our way back to our real being and a loving inner adult.


We do not fall “by chance” into certain situations, but create them ourselves based on our belief, thought and behavior systems. Limiting relationships and life situations are there to draw our attention to underlying mental malpositions. Once we have seen through them, we can part with them.
Here it is necessary to withstand the "tests" that bring about the corresponding changes, e.g. we decide to end our self-sacrificing behavior and usually just when we have made the decision, suddenly ("by chance") all people ask us for help. Here we are of course required to remain true to our decision and to pass the exams well. In this case, to help people to the extent that it feels good and right for us and otherwise to be very clear and to say no. You are only responsible for yourself and not obligated to anyone.

Patience & compassion

Be gentle with yourself if you cannot implement everything right away and the beginning is "bumpy", the processes are often protracted. Unfavorable behaviors that have been trained over the years cannot simply be turned off from here to now. A very important point is to see these experiences and the people involved as neutral as possible. This does not mean that you should put up with everything, but that you should look at things in your life in parallel on two different levels. On the level of the true self, it is about seeing what has to be learned, for this it is important to at least temporarily remove evaluations and judgments and at the same time you can still have your own personal opinion on the ego level about people and situations. The more you expose and correct your own weaknesses and, above all, the attendant behaviors, the freer you become internally and the better you can follow your inner voice and generally automatically get more and more out of evaluations.


The fact that we do not pull some things that we want into our lives is always due to our self-limiting and mostly unconscious misconceptions and behaviors. Here, too, as with the law of reflection, it is not about guilt, but about school ("life school"). Instead of feeling guilty, learn and don't give up right away. For example, if you want a partner who loves and respects you and he will definitely not come. Then this could be an indication that you do not really love yourself and do not take care of yourself for who you are. With this you unconsciously send out an attitude with which you signal that you are not worthy of being loved, like attracts like, so the loving person can only come to you if you first learn to love and accept yourself.

The "blockages" are different and also differently pronounced in people. Most of the time you are unfortunately rather subconscious. To recognize the blockages, unconditional honesty with ourselves is a prerequisite. The mirror law can be of great help here. For example, when we criticize or mistreat people every day, we cannot expect others to be loving to us. Because with this behavior we express that we treat ourselves badly and like this comes back to us. Perhaps we are annoyed that others do not take us seriously, pay close attention to the relationships in which you do not take yourself seriously. Do you have a partner with whom you are not happy, but not parting? You would have to do this consistently if you were taking yourself seriously and seriously. If you change yourself and your behavior, your environment and also the people and things around you usually change very quickly. You are the transmission tower.


Thinking-feeling-acting should be as compliant as possible; it is not enough to work on just one level. Sometimes we know from our inner feelings what actually needs to be done, but we do not take the necessary concrete action. Here we have to learn to overcome comfort and habits. For example, many people think they love each other, but they don't really feel it or act on it. Few of them are aware of what self-love really means and what it all includes. Sometimes we also act, but our thinking and our feelings do not conform to them. In these cases there is also no inner unity and harmony and we send this energy outwards and get something in return.

Parentheses-expectations-lack of trust

Sometimes we “cling” too much to an idea (wish) or to people. With it we send out the energy of fear and lack of trust and attract corresponding experiences. Letting go and trust are important prerequisites so that we can pull desired things into our lives. Behind the “brackets” there are always fears, doubts, dependencies or the like. So check if you are clinging too tightly to something, what your fears are and what are the causes behind them. Try to be more confident and let go. If you have expectations of a how and when it is always a sign that you are not really confident. Someone who trusts, who takes things as you are, does not question himself through certain events and tries to learn from experience. Someone who does not trust tries to control or manipulate things and other people.

Fears & doubts

Fears and doubts are always indications of incorrectly learned belief and behavior patterns and the associated weaknesses of the false self, for example “I can't or can't do it…” or “Only what you can see is there…” “I actually have that not deserved…..". After all, the wrong beliefs are the deeper cause of a lack of self-confidence and a lack of self-love. It is the task of all of us to dissolve these false beliefs and replace them with the inner truth of the true self and the inner voice. Then you can take your life into your own hands and consciously steer it where you would like it to be. You will then naturally pull the “right” things into your life.

Growth & self-determination

So if some things in your life are not going as you imagine, try to find out where possible blockages are with the help of the law of mirrors and the law of attraction, what you can still learn and improve - the blockages (wrong beliefs, behavior, Weaknesses) finally resolve and correct and implement the right thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Always change only yourself, because the outside is
always just a mirror of your deepest inner being. With your inner change, the outside will also change. With these steps you go into personal responsibility and self-determination, out of dependencies and external control and you will be rewarded with a satisfied attitude towards life. With this background knowledge, life becomes an exciting journey with many insights and challenges.

In-depth literature on "true" love, self-love and a better distinction between true and false self: "Love, freedom, being alone-Osho"

Specialist editorial office:
Graduated psychologist & alternative practitioner
Susanne Juranic born June 17th, 1972
Brunnangerstr. 5a, 82319 Starnberg
Phone: 08151-99 89 89
Mobile: 0163-458 53 62

Vita: Study of psychology at the J.W.-Goethe University in Frankfurt am Main. After completing his studies, moved to Starnberg in 2002. Training as a naturopath at the Center for Naturopathy in Munich. In addition, courses in shamanism, Chinese medicine and chakra work, self-study with holistic approaches and healing methods from different cultures. Since 2002 freelance for the working group dyslexia e.V., implementation of dyslexia therapy with children. Since 2007 independent consultancy in own practice, practice for holistic individual and couple counseling.

Editor: Walter Braun
81675 Munich,
Tel. (089) 41902846,
Fax (089) 41902847,
[email protected]
Editorial staff: Marion Kluger, Walter Braun
Image rights: Fotolia.de

Reproduction - even in extracts - only with the written permission of the publisher. This technical tip has been carefully prepared. Nevertheless, all information is provided without guarantee. Neither the editor nor the publisher can accept liability for any disadvantages or damage that may result from the practical instructions given here

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Category: Current, Lead, Emotions | Spirituality | Purpose in life, body language, meditation, psychology Keywords: thinking, feeling, law of reflection, power, self-knowledge, self-love, search